SHADES OF LOVE

 

 SHADES OF LOVE -

STORY OF MY LOVE LIFE

I found three types of friends in my life: Friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for my lifetime.  

Dr Ram Lakhan Prasad

2016

  

SHADES OF LOVE

This story begins around 1958 when I was at a college that was situated near the capital city Suva in the south eastern part of the Fiji Islands. The place was called Nasinu and I was there to be trained as a teacher.

I had just completed my high school education with excellent academic and sporting records at the old Natabua High School that was situated in the west of the country, five miles from the second largest city of Lautoka towards Nadi. I am eighteen years old and everyone who I should have been able to count on in my life has helped me. This is one of the reasons of my success so far. 

My life so far was mostly spent in the rural areas of the west side of the country. It is not hard to shake the family tree to find the truth about my past when one hails from a farming background.

The only touch of urban experience for me in those days was once a month visit to the municipal markets with my parents to sell our produce from the mixed farm where my ancestors after extracting themselves from their indentured system established as successful farmers.

The story is true as far as places, people, periods and purposes are concerned but when I began to add some of my own ideas, views and fantasies it could not be helped but it gradually proceeded towards a somewhat fictional presentation.  Every story an author narrates or writes has a journey behind it and this story has no exception.

After leaving so much of my past baggage of the early childhood and adolescent life, I arrived all excited and full of inspiration implanted by my old carriers’ teachers of Natabua to land at this colonial educational institution of higher learning at the end of the first month of the year. In the hustle and bustle of the new but a lot more mature students I was able to settle down in one of the open dormitories. A new life began with a touch of urban experience.

Some initial orientation helped me to locate the necessary outlets such as the dining hall, the library, the assembly hall, the lecture rooms, recreation areas and the administrative building. My days of indoctrination and initiation began the next day after we were welcomed by the college administrator at the dining hall during the mass service. The rest of that night was spent to have a good sleep but not after getting the support of some of the new acquaintances and making them my friends or confidante.

The college administrative structure was made up of first, second and third year students with principals, vice- principals, lecturers, prefects and other staff totalling about a thousand in all. So if I say that a rural based youth like me was somewhat lost in the amalgam of this setup made up of urban dwellers, is no exaggeration. However, things got manageable and familiar gradually as time and events proceeded and unfolded.                  

I think it is enough of the preliminaries. Lectures begin and students come out from their dens to mingle and manage their new relationship and status. A lot of human qualities are revealed in the interaction. I almost became a philanthropist by judging people from their conduct, character, charisma and communication.

“WE acquire a particular quality by constantly acting in a particular way.”—Aristotle said this sometime long ago but it is so true even today. In my young days through interaction with wiser adults I learnt that much of this foundation comes from our parents and other elders, but we also learn these qualities from our mentors, spiritual teachers, and ideally, from the leaders for whom we work.

I was searching for some specific human qualities among my new colleagues and compatriots and look what I found in the collection. I was amazed but not surprised.

The people I began interacting with displayed a variety of good human qualities such as empathy, intuition, creativity, passion, and the desire to learn throughout their career. Of course, the qualities that made me more effective when working with them as individuals or as teams included being a good listener, being persuasive, being responsible, and being a leader. These and others like those qualities that formed the foundation of all other human qualities included honesty, integrity, courage, self-awareness, and wholeheartedness. These qualities defined who we were as human beings and more so as future teachers of an independent nation.

I soon found out that there were no greater human treasures than the highest human qualities such as compassion, courage and hope. Not even tragic accident or disaster could destroy such treasures of the human heart and soul.

Right from my childhood, my parents and teachers continuously tried to instill various good qualities in me not only because I came from a disciplined family but because the humanity dictated these actions for us to be truthful, good and beautiful in our words, actions, thoughts, character and heart.

Many of these qualities soon became known to be the true mark of peace, progress and prosperity for me not only at this educational institution but in the country I was destined to serve as an educator. I came to realize that it was up to the individual to imbibe these in order to become a good person and to lead a happy life.

In today's fast-paced and commercially orientated world, many of these human qualities are either low on priority or are forgotten by some people. One question that bothered some of us then was ‘when was the last time we actually helped a needy person by making an extra effort from our side?’ but I

It is at this juncture that my real story takes off to add honey to the mother’s milk. I met a very pretty girl on Sunday at the gathering of religiously inclined people in the main hall of the college. It was a prayer meeting for the Christian students and I had strolled along there out of curiosity and my own comfort.

Being a Hindu, somewhat new and unaccustomed with this cultural group, I placed myself quietly at the back of the gathering thinking that no one would be taking any notice of my peaceful presence. This was not to be for that pretty girl in her white and serene attire did me a special favour. I had laid my humanistic eye on her heart and soul upon my entrance to the hall. Both of us were constantly conscious of our presence there but for some unknown reason she kept looking at me while singing the hymns and saying her prayers. I had never experienced such recognition in my life before but there is always the first of such memories.

This reactionary and automatic human conduct gave me slightly uneasy feeling in the beginning but gradually I began to respond to her with my smiles and even collected the hymn and prayer booklet to join in the singing of the glory of God. Gee I began to feel I already was part of the gathering. I had to tell myself to breath. In and out. Out and In.

The Sunday service ended and there was some refreshment so that we could socialize and interact with each other for future meetings. I was about to move out of the crowd because I did not know the people well and the ideas that they were promoting and preaching were foreign to me but my pretty little admirer stepped forward to introduce herself to me, “Hi, I am Daisy Maya, the organizer of this Sunday Church service and I am glad to see you here today.”

“Thank you for your welcome,” I caught my breath; swallowed past the lump in my throat and responded with a smile and took her hand to tell her who I was; “I am Ron, a first year student looking to fit and adjust myself in the system.”

Daisy very kindly and warmly invited me to share some refreshment with her and it was at this lucrative moment that I realized how perfectly nature had constructed this piece of human being. She was depicting and presenting all the qualities of the girl I often had witnessed in many of my dreams.

While Daisy was getting the orange juice for me I began to internally imagine and visualize the personification of that modesty and the godly art form which was dangling artistically in front of my eyes and captivating my thoughts to tickle my heart and soul. She was not only beautiful physically but she was dazzling with brilliance and had no doubt taken my breath away forever. I do not know if I could term this incident as my love at first sight but it was almost akin to it even if it was an illusion.

I was very disappointed that such a pleasant atmosphere and such a glorious meeting had to be terminated because we had to respond to another scheduled programme of the college that was our lunch in the dining hall. However, my heart was still lingering and reacting to calm and collected atmosphere that Daisy had created for me at the main hall. No one at the dining table could notice the permanent smile on my countenance. 

My eager eyes kept searching the magnanimous dining hall that housed the students to see if I could spot my newly found friend but I had to abandon the idea because the seating arrangement was allocated according to the year of student entry. So somewhat disappointed and after the quick lunch I went to my dormitory to assess my predicaments. The day ended with our dinner in the same dining hall but still I had no luck to face my friend. That night was longer than usual and my slumber had been stolen by someone I could not positively identify as yet.

However, I had to wait for another Sunday before I could see my pretty companion because of the different lecture rooms, time-table arrangements and programmes for first, second and third year students.  The busy first year programmes kept me engaged in other events until at last that long awaited Sunday morning arrived.

This Sunday morning brought a different way of thinking and perception for me that made me take extra care and precaution to get ready for that specific participation. After a hasty breakfast I began moving towards the main hall where the Christian group met for their Sunday service but in my eagerness and enthusiasm I had forgotten that it was only nine in the morning so I had to anxiously wait for another hour. I had to spend my time in the nearby library to update my current affairs and some other information.

A whisper in my ears astonished me because it was from Daisy to ask me to accompany her to the Sunday prayer meeting. I stood up pretending to be somewhat reluctant and followed her making her feel good and god knows what else. Today I was very warmly asked by Daisy to plant myself next to her and it all felt heavenly when the service began.

Every now and then in between the hymns, prayers and Bible reading our hands used to touch each other and that created a sensational effect that was so electrifying for me. I could not properly assess the emotions of the heart that was beating in the body next to me. However, one thing I knew for certain was that my centre of concentration was not on the words and actions of the preacher but elsewhere. I think this usually happens when a boy meets a beautiful girl for the first time.

So for many Sundays I kept my appointments in tact with my second year colleague and was eagerly looking forward to the next meeting of more entertainment, indoctrination and enlightenment. After every service and meeting I went back but began enumerating the idea of beauty whenever I was alone. The catalogue of her charm and beauty had become a regular repetition in my thoughts.

Daisy no doubt was a very pretty girl and she was a well-behaved lady. Her face was young without any blemish to mar her perfectly adorable complexion. She was not tall nor short, but somewhere in between. She held her noble head high with the air of confidence. Her hair was thick, soft and straight that blew softly in the mid-morning breeze. Her brow was soft, quizzical, and serene with purity and wisdom. Her jaw was set and her mouth was thin and straight. Then her eyes were deep as a great body of ocean just as blue, they looked through you without fear as if they already knew what they were looking for to find. Her dress was simple and she was very sensible. But what was deep down her heart and mind was difficult to fathom and I always failed to extract any more of her inner qualities despite my endeavours.

After the mid semester the second year students had to go on teaching practice in their respective education district schools and Daisy 

On her return from her practical teaching assignment I met her with a hug and a kiss on her cold cheek. These and many subsequent warmer contacts gave us reason to say that we were gradually developing affectionate feelings of love for each other. We began to communicate, converse and conduct our communion with greater interest, compassion, emotions and feelings. We began to feel that we were in love because we longed for each other’s company.

Time was our enemy and moving ahead of us at the speed of a rocket. So when the school year ended Daisy graduated as a teacher to go out and take up a teaching assignment at a school near her home township of Ba and I went home on my Christmas holidays to Nadi.

The farewell party for the graduating students was a great event for the college where a lot of food, entertainment and enjoyment filled the occasion but departures from colleges do have their own aspects of sadness and tears. We too were part of this emotional presentation and predicament but managed to overcome because Daisy and I promised each other to consolidate our tender relationship soon when I was invited to visit her parents during the Christmas holidays.

We temporarily parted ways, Daisy went to Ba using the King’s Road and the Sunbeam bus service and I boarded the Pacific transport heading on the Queen’s Road to Nadi. We were both glad that we were with our respective families to rejuvenate, recharge and refill. As we had agreed we would let them know our plans to turn our imminent love into some form of permanent relationship. Marriage was of course one of our real options but as I envisaged there were some plausible specific cultural incompatibility that could become our hurdle.

I arrived home after an absence of almost a year and my parents were very glad to renew my company. They together with my childhood ‘lover’, my nanny Radhika crouched around me to enquire about the college culture. Although I told them that it was an institution of higher learning where adult students intermingled and in the process some even developed that sort of deeper relationship which often required parental and societal intervention to strengthen them and give them validity, my parents as well as Radhika could not fully understand and appreciate the complexity of college culture.

 

My parents told me that I was now the most eligible bachelor of the village and they showed me photos of some girls whose parents had come with their proposal to betroth me in marriage. I indicated to my parents that I had some other plans. They did not pursue this any further but Radhika as my guardian took me on in a one to one conversation later.  

I could never hide anything from Radhika and she was able to read me like an interesting open book. I confided in her about my intimate relationship with Daisy but she too had her reservation when I told her that she was a very staunch Christian. Although Radhika was quite amenable to such religious divisions and mixed marriages, she clearly saw danger ahead when it came to getting past my parents on the one hand and the parents of Daisy on the other.

As usual one evening she took me for a walk along the nearby stream and when we had settled down under the large shady tree, Radhika opened her sermon on family life. She emphasized that although two individuals who were considered to be compatible to form a lifelong partnership, marriage among the Hindus was not an individual relationship but a family affair where two families unite to interact in harmony.                    

Radhika could not see the achievement of that vital objective in my case but she asked me to go and discuss these details with Daisy because as Radhika said, ‘true love often shows lovers the way ahead and if it was not able to then some form of diversion was inevitable and maybe the only way’.

So when we returned from our ‘sermon under the shady tree’, I began planning to visit Daisy and her family to clarify some of the important issues that seemed incompatible in our case. I was in love and at least was prepared to discuss and find a solution to our religious indifference. I was not sure about Daisy and that was my reason to agree to meet her people.

I let one of my brother-in-laws who lived not far from Daisy know of all my plans and problems and Shiu, my brother-in-law, was able to arrange a suitable day and time for us to confer. A day or two before the scheduled meeting I arrived in the township of Ba where my love lived. I did not meet Daisy separately because I did not want to impose any of my views on her to put her under any obligation. A frank and open discussion was warranted because it was matter of spending the whole life together for us.                           

The day was Wednesday two days before Christmas and my brother-in-law, Shiu and I arrived at the humble home of the parents of Daisy just after ten in the morning. Daisy together with her mother, father and an elder sister were ready to welcome us. A special prayer was conducted by the elder sister for the success of our meeting and then we were served with the morning tea and some delicious homemade cakes and biscuits.

Someone had to start the ball rolling and when I saw that the time was rolling along at its own speed I dared to intervene. I was one of the best orators of my school so I collected some of those intrinsic skills and began articulating my discourse.

Mr and Mrs Ram Bali, Miss Indu Bali, Daisy and Shiu, let me explain the rationale of this meeting. My name is Ron and I come from a farming background. My family has a history of dedicated Hindu following of over two centuries. I would soon be graduating as a teacher to work for the department of education. Daisy and I have spent very fruitful time together at the college for about a year. We have developed a special feeling for each other that can be termed as an affectionate situation that we have described as our love for each other. We have decided to get the blessings of our elders so that we can happily enter into a lifelong partnership. However, there are a few socio cultural issues that need to be sorted out before we proceed. We will appreciate if we are frank enough and can come to some agreement to move ahead.”      

At this moment Daisy’s elder sister Indu took over the reins and began bombarding us with religious rhetoric and various forms of diatribe upon Hindus generally. The harangue that she dished out to us in her own home was never ever seen in our books and scriptures of etiquette where we honour and respect our guests as godly. Atithi deva bhava.

I did say that our different religious beliefs were our reason for the division of human race and we should believe in unity in diversity. I emphasized that while Daisy could follow her Christian way of life, my parents would gladly allow me to either support her or continue with my beliefs regardless. I told them that there was no way I could disrespect the wishes of my parents and break the two century old Hindu tradition. My compromise to live with Daisy as a simple human being was my solution. All these ultimately fell on deaf ears maybe because of some form of religious bigotry, prejudice or hatred for Hinduism. I kept wondering why people preached love and passion when they were in places of prayers but failed desperately to honour these ideals in their real life. Naturally I was hurt and very disappointed.

 

Very blunt remarks were dished out at me by the father who gave me only one choice if I wanted to maintain any relationship with his daughter and that was to convert myself and be baptized as a Christian. The mother and sister supported this idea but I never came to know what Daisy felt about that stipulation.

I looked at my brother-in-law Shiu who seemed to indicate to me that enough was enough as far as the search for any compromise was concerned. I then changed the topic of discussion and enjoyed the rest of the delicious refreshment. We then talked about the destruction caused by the recent floods in Ba.

This gave me some consolation to my broken heart but my body and soul were burning with rage and disappointment. I felt like giving a lot more of my piece of mind on the matter of cross cultural marriage and the hypocrisy that was displayed before us but then I knew that it was no use brushing the black pot with any other colour.

Everything was over in about an hour and the love that had not even fully bloomed as yet was thwarted by the enemies of human unity and compassion. In the name of religious indifference two lovers were told to part ways forever. Religion definitely proved to be the opium of the society for some people.

However, one thing did please me and that was a gift that Daisy passed on to me that contained her sari clad photo and the Bible. At least I kept her photo with me and regarded her as a friend and the reading of the Bible enriched my understanding of humanity a little better.

All this socio cultural fiasco did not hit me hard immediately but as we were driving away from Daisy’s home a feeling of indifference was slowly developing within me. By the time I reached home I was totally devastated and distraught because I lost my lover. I have never known what kind of response, reaction and feelings were contained and sustained by Daisy. In a way that was good because I did not develop any hatred for her.

I took my comfort and refuge in the pious company of Radhika once more and narrated the whole depressing story of our separation and split on the basis of our religious beliefs and our inability to reach an acceptable compromise to maintain our love. Radhika consoled me with her wisdom, “Better now than later.” 

She fully understood that I had just terminated a close relationship with one of my college mates and I was somewhat a broken person. Radhika among a lot of other sound advice on the issue, warned me to be careful when trying to fix a broken person because if I did then I may cut myself on the shattered pieces. So she wanted me to change the way I looked at things, then maybe the things I looked at would change as well. A definite change came to my way of thinking and I have never looked back on my terminated relationship ever since. I have always been indebted to Radhika for her indulgence. 

I wrote and wished Daisy well and said she was always free to do whatever she liked with her life. I did confirm my wish to remain her faithful and sincere friend. I never received any reply to my communication. I knew that she did not take the whole affair well because she did tell my brother-in-law sometime later that she would neither forgive me nor try to forget me. How sad?          

After spending the rest of the holidays with my family and friends I went back to the college to finish my course in February, 1959. By this time I was elected as an important member of the student council and became their treasurer. Thus I was given a lot more responsibilities to supervise and manage the duties of fellow students. This was a position of leadership and it helped me to reorganize my priorities and press on regardless with my life.

Life began moving and there came a lot of OMG moments where I was surprised by my friends and colleagues with their love and affection. I developed a love for books and began reading a variety of authors in English as well as Hindi languages. As a result of this I found that there was nothing better to get lost but in books. Consequently, as time moved I too became a writer and began writing short stories, articles and poems for various media outlets and newspapers. Many of my stories and poems began publishing and some even got broadcast as musical presentation by radio stations. They were called Geeton Bhari Kahani.  

My love for books brought me into close contact with a very smart librarian who would help me find and select books of my liking and interest. As time passed she became a valuable asset for me and I began to like her company. She was kind, considerate and very discreet in her disposition and dealings. In matters of human affection I was once bitten twice shy to proceed with any confidence.

So my instinct warned me to let the sleeping dog lie and continue developing my network of good as well as faithful friends. Soon I had almost all the college as my trusted mates who included people of all the ethnic groups, socio-economic sets and cultural as well as religious sections. I was one of the luckiest and richest participants in the social fabrics of that institution. This and my other attributes such as dramatic skills, sporting displays and literary flare made me popular. Naturally I was proud of my contributions as a student and student leader.

Daisy appeared nowhere on the screens of my life or radar of my thoughts and I was glad to hear that she got married to a priest from her church. This news was very soothing for me because I got rid of all my guilt and deception that I may have inadvertently developed within me about myself because of our sudden split and separation. I assured myself to honour the friendship of my one time lover and let my life proceed with no hangover and no extra baggage. I felt good and I was certain that Daisy would have had similar feelings and live a happy married life with her Christian husband.

My life began to move in the faster lane of useful living and I began to enjoy things with a lot of meaning and better understanding. I began to spend most of my spare time in the college library where I kept meeting Rose, the lovely librarian. I came to realize that persistence and resilience only came to us if we took advantage of the chances and opportunities to work through our difficult problems. I was glad that Rose began to provide me with all those opportunities.

I was a changed person wanting to get a lot more out of my life. I wanted someone to enter my life to change me so that I could better appreciate, comprehend and enjoy every aspect of my living. I was ready to take that important step in my life but I wanted someone who could develop affection for me after knowing my past. I felt that there should be no dark spots and doubts in my new found love. Then and then only that love would develop and flourish in its pure form. I was eagerly waiting for that memorable moment.

I had some broken dreams but I did not take them as the end of the road. I began discussing various things with my librarian friend. She was a great listener and had some wonderful advice to give. One day after listening to some of my past stories, Rose advised me that the time had come for me to develop some new dreams and find a new direction in my life. I took those ideas seriously and began to see things differently.

I believed that sailors could not change the direction of the wind but they certainly could adjust their sails to always reach their destination. I needed to adjust my thinking and my perception of my future. Although Rose and I were from different leagues we managed to merge at some point in our future paths. Consequently, I began to see Rose differently and she began to respond to my needs with greater interest and care. We began to like each other’s company and our new world of affection was gradually emerging on the horizon. Her deep brown eyes were often glaring in to my soul to see every dark secret that was there. I was slowly but surely being addicted, intoxicated by the looks of the lady I began to adore and maybe drugged by her charm.

It was a bright Monday morning and I was on my way to supervise and check the activities of students on special duties and I had to walk past the library. Today Rose, the librarian was standing in the verandah with the sun shining directly on to her divine figure that I had never witnessed before. I stopped, looked and listened to my heart that was singing altogether a different song of beauty, love and joy this morning.

I then realized that Rose had a sculpted figure which was well-groomed. Her waist was tapered and she had a burnished complexion. A pair of arched eyebrows looked down on sweeping eyelashes. Her delicate ears wore a pair of dangling gold ear rings. A set of dazzling, angel-white teeth gleamed as she gently moved from the sunshine to the shade. It was a pleasure to see her there this morning with her sun shadow-black hair. Her enticing, constellation-brown eyes gazed at me over her puffy, heart shaped lips. She had a bouncy personality and a sugary voice, which I adored. I still remember the brilliant shine of the gold necklace that had a special pendant.

I was fully convinced that she was one of the Angels from heaven that had descended to anoint me and she wore vibrant clothes. I was mesmerized but managed to greet her, “Good Morning, Rose.”

The reply that came to me with a mystic smile pieced my heart with the sweetness of fresh honey and I could not just stand there and wonder but I moved nearer to whisper, “I love you, Rose.”

It turned out that I disturbed the pretty shadow of an Angel in the pond because she shyly moved inside the library and reluctantly I kept going on my way but still walking backwards so that I could get the glimpse of the fairy that had just vanished from sight yet was still lingering in my thoughts. She was gorgeous, sweet and intoxicating. There was something about her that I could not get out of my system.

On my return journey from my duties, I walked through the verandah of the library just to get another clear glimpse of Rose and she came out and whispered to me in a dulcet voice as sweet as any songbird could ever sing, “I love you too.”

That made my life and I kept going on with my daily chores thinking that she was a very pretty girl and I knew that at first sight that she was the one specially sent for my welfare. She was a well-behaved lady with a face that was young without any blemish to mar its perfectly pink complexion.

I went straight to the person who was in-charge of the seating arrangements in the dining hall and requested that Rose be placed next to me henceforth for all our meals. From then on we began to enjoy our talking, walking and eating together almost daily. This developed our life and escalated our love to a new height. 

We strengthened our affection and continued enjoying our reading for pleasure in the library, in the gardens and in the college compound but the year had to come to an end for me to depart from college on my graduation. Rose on the other hand had another year to spend corresponding and communicating with me through various distant means and methods before we decided to tie the knot of marriage and lead a happy family life.

I vividly remember Rose saying on my departure from college after my graduation in December 1959, “At any time you can decide to change the road you are on in life and take a new direction to follow a new trail. You are the only one who really knows what you want from life and if you are on the right path.”                

So I did decide and was indeed happy that I found a new direction, new trail and a perfect road that I had not taken before. I loved to travel on that road for over fifty years before we had to change our directions again but this time it all was for our unconditional love, affection, compassion and passion for each other. Rose gave her everything to and for me. She came empty handed and went away empty handed as well. However, the treasure that she gave me is my family and I miss her.

My Rose, My Pretty Lotus, My Love Life and my beloved wife is no more but all her fond words, actions, thoughts, character and heart that I have been able to treasure are my survival kit of life. They are my fond memories. Nothing and nothing would ever change this ever or until I am around on this earth.

We hope to rekindle our everlasting love life when our souls amalgamate once again somewhere in heaven. Until then I live for my Rose and I will continue to love my Rose instinctually because she was the only person who loved me unconditionally.

I did say in the beginning of this presentation that this is a real life development and I now feel I have poured my heart out to express my shades of love. The first one was a judgment misplaced and the second one became mine forever all because of sound judgment and deeper understanding. We were compatible in most of our human qualities.

I have one regret though. After our marriage Rose told me that she was ridiculed by one of Daisy’s friends by saying that Rose had stolen Daisy’s first love. She found a photo of Daisy in my wallet and asked me to return it to her with an apology. I returned the photo to Daisy but did not send any apology because I thought that the issue was dead and forgotten. 

However, towards the end of her life Rose had her last wish to either make her accept her apology or let her be ready for many more curses and punishment for the misdeeds and rumours she had spread.

After the demise of Rose I wrote to Daisy conveying the simple message and the last wish of Rose but Daisy was so adamant, foolish and rude that she completely misunderstood the good intentions that Rose had to apologize and keep that friendship alive.

It was not to be and just as well. I am happy without the friendship and company of people who are living as hypocrites and are dodging from reality in life. I have no place for people who conduct themselves as sanctimonious and prudish individuals.

The two different shades of love that I experienced in my life gave me a very sound understanding of core values of human beings. On the one hand I had Maya, an illusion that was trying to encompass my life with some temporary emotion that was not deep enough to materialize. Then on the other side were the qualities of reality, clarity and purity of the pretty lotus revealing enlightenment and a deep sense of sacrifice.

They were the two sides of the same coin, females, but Maya was at the tail end and my Rose as always was at the head.              

 

RLP/   10/05/2016                  

I left this song for my Rose and have recited it almost once every day of my life.

MAIN JIS DIN BHULA DOON TERE PYAR DIL SE WO DIN AKHARI HO MERI JINDAGI KA.

YEH ANKHE USI RAAT HO JAYEE ANDHI    JO TERE SIWA DEKHE SAPNE KISI KA.

MUJHE APNE DIL SE UTARNE NA DENA
MAIN KHUSHBOO HOON MUJKO BIKHAR NE NA DENA

HAMESA RAHON MAIN TERE BAJUNYO MEIN
NA TOOTE YE BANDHAN KABHI DOSTI KA

MERI DHADKANO MEIN MOHABAT HAI TERI
MERI ZINDAGI AB AMANAT HAI TERI

TAMANNA HAI JIN RASTOON PAR CHALE TU
NISHA HO WAHAN PAR MERI BANDAGI KA

MAIN JIS DIN BHULA DOON TERE PYAR DIL SE WO DIN AKHARI HO MERI JINDAGI KA.

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