Recently I read Robert Conklin’s book titled How to Get People to Do Things and came to this realization.
Over the last fifty years of working with people I have realized that it is one of our human natures that we do not like to be commanded, herded, forced or ordered to do things. I found myself snorting and fuming at times when I heard sentences like these:-
- You have to fill out this form.
- You must wait in line over there.
- You should have brought that with you.
- You ought to think of this.
- Get that out as soon as you can.
I assessed that words like should, must, ought to and have to are resistance builders. These usually command touch of opposition.
I have learnt the hard way to ask for agreement instead and gradually got in the habit of using phrases like these:-
- Could we get some information on this form?
- There is a short wait. Do you mind?
- Let us look at it this way.
- Is there something more we should consider here?
So now I do not refer to objections as objections or resistance as resistance. I try to talk about reasons, ideas, thoughts, viewpoints, opinions and questions. These have given me lesser headaches when dealing with people.
As I go about my daily contacts, I am watchful of gruff, curt, irritating people who rub me the wrong way. Then I make sure I do the opposite of what they do.
It is a mystery of our life why some folks work so hard to make their relationships unpleasant by using words, phrases and mannerisms that are abrasive to others.
I now know that unpleasantness is not necessary and we can definitely be sensitive to the feelings of others by watching our language.
If we WATCH our language we become careful with our Words, Actions, Thoughts, Character and Heart.