MERI SAROJ MERE LIYE KAWN THI

MERI SAROJ MERE LIYE KAUN THI

Kaise bataoon main tumhe logon

Mere liye meri Saroj kaun thi,

Kaise bataoon Kaise bataoon main tumhe

Wo mere dhadkanon ka geet thi

Mere Jeevan ka sangeet thi

Meri zindagi, meri bandagi

meri roshni, meri taazgi thi

Meri har khushi, mera pyaar thi

Meri preet thi, Meri manmeet thi

Ab Aankhon mein hai, yaadon mein hai

Saanson mein hai, aahon mein hai

Neendon mein hai, khwaabon mein hai

Wo hai meri har baat mein

Wo hai mere din raat mein

Subah mein hai, wo mere shaam mein

Mere soch mein, mere khushi mein

Mere liye pana bhi hai

Mere liye khona bhi hai

Mere liye hansna bhi hai

Mere liye rona bhi hai

Aur ab wo mera jagaana aur sona bhi hai

 

 

 

Jaaoon kahin, dekhoon kahin

Wo hi wo hai wahin,

Kaise bataoon main tumhe

Wo mere liye kaun thi

Unke bin to main ab kuchh bhi nahi

Kaise bataoon main tumhe logon

Mere liye meri Saroj  kaun thi

 

Wo jo unka roop tha

mere zindagi ka dhoop tha

Chandan se badan

Rahti thi jismein ik agan

Wo shokhiyaan, wo mastiyaan

unko hawaon se mili thi

Zulfein ghataon se mili thi

Hothon mein kaliyan khil rahi thi

Aankhon ko jheelein mil gayi thi

Chehre mein simti chandni thi

Awaaz mein thi ragini

Sheeshe ke jaisa ang tha

Phoolon ke jaisa rang tha

Nadiyon ke jaisi chaal thi

Kya husn tha, kya haal tha

Wo jism ki rangeeniyan

Jaise hazaaron titliyan

Udaan bharti ho yahaan

Baahon ki wo golaaiyan

Aanchal mein wo parchhaiyan

Yeh najariya hai sab mere khwaab ki

Kaise bataoon main tumhe

Haalat dil-e-betaab ki

Kaise bataoon main tumhe

Mere liye wo kaun thi, kaise bataoon

Kaise bataoon

Kaise bataoon main tumhe meri Saroj mere liye kaun thi

 

Mere liye wo mera dharm thi

Mere liye mera imaan thi

Wo meri ibadat thi

Meri  chahat thi

Wahi mera armaan thi

Ab taakta hoon main har pal jise

Wahi to ek tasveer hai

Ab wahi meri taqdeer hai

Wahi sitara hai mera

Wahi nazara hai mera

Yun dhyaan mein mere hai wo

Jaise mujhe ghere hai wo

Purab mein hai, pashchhim mein hai

Uttar mein hai, dakshin mein hai wo

Saare mere jeevan mein hai wo

Har pal mein wo, har chhin mein wo

Mere liye rasta bhi wo

Mere liye manzil bhi wo

Mere liye sagar bhi wo

Mere liye saahil bhi wo

Main dekhta bas unko hi hoon

Main sochta bas unko hi hoon

Main jaanta bas unko hi hoon

Main maanta bas unko hi hoon

Wahi meri pehchan hai

Wahi meri dil O jaan hai

Kaise bataoon main tumhe

wo meri kaun hai

Mere liye wo meri Devi hai Laxmi hai

Mere liye Gayatri hai Saraswati hai

Gyan hai bigyaan hai aur bhagwan hai

Kaise bataoon main tumhe

Mere liye meri Saroj kaun thi,

kaise bataoon main?

THE RETURN OF THE PRETTY LOTUS

 The Return Of The Pretty Lotus

 

A Resurrection- A Reincarnation

 

 

Dr Ram Lakhan Prasad

 

 

 

30th June 2014

 

Dedicated to my beloved wife

 

   Saroj Kumari Prasad    

  

  With all my love.    

Sawan Ke baadalon tham tham ke barsna

Aur itna na barasna ki wo aa na sakey

Jab wo aajaaye to khoob jum ke barasna

Aur itna barasna ki wo jaa na sakey

Is tarah mere dil ka hausla badh jaayega

Aaina mein unka hi surat nazar aayega

O clouds of summer just tarry a little for that heavy rain

Do not pour so much that she is unable to come back

However, when she is here remember to pour the heaviest

Rain and thunder so hard that she is unable to go back

You the helpful clouds will fill me with joy of my life

In all our mirrors of life,  I will see only her image rife.

 

 

EPIGRAPH

My beloved wife Saroj has gone to heaven to be with the Almighty and I am alone, and yet I am not alone. I walk and exist by faith, until the day I shall look up and see the face of God, and hear his voice welcoming me home. No longer blind, no longer deaf, and there will be my loving wife waiting for me. I thank God for such a glorious hope.

I know a day is coming when the deaf will hear their voice, when the blind will see their Saviour, and the lame will leap for joy. When the grieving husband finds his wife, and will always love his bride, and the children find their mother who will never leave their side. Our bodies are like tents that we live in here on earth but when these tents are destroyed, we know that God will resurrect or reincarnate our soul and give each of us a place to dwell spiritually.

These homes will not be buildings that someone has made, but they are in heaven or on earth and will last forever. While we are here on earth, we sigh because we want to live in that divine home. We want to anoint our soul and resurrect.  The tents we now live in are like a heavy burden, and we groan but we do not do this just because we want to leave the bodies that will pass away. It is because we want to change them for bodies that will never die but would become eternal.

God is the one who makes all this possible. He has given us his Spirit to make us certain that he will do it. So let me be cheerful, O Lord. Let my Pretty Lotus resurrect.

PREFACE

If like me, my readers too believe in the powers of stark imagination, positive dreams and the strength of prayers then they too would find my presentation intriguing, plausible and believable. After the passing away of my beloved wife I have often wondered about attaining some legendary super powers.

I first thought of obtaining the super qualities of cosmic character Narad who could transcend from one planet to the other instantaneously and had the freedom to communicate with any foe or friend. There was a reason for this feeling. I wanted to view and experience the life of people or residents on the other planets to compare the qualities of living, their attitude and ideas.

Then another thought came to me to possess the super powers of Hanuman, the wind god who could fly any where over the oceans, cities, kingdoms and all the interesting places.  Thus, I would be able to verify the truth or otherwise of many aspects of our scriptures.  Of course, there was another valuable thought to get the super power that made people to easily read the minds of their compatriots and companions to assess the human or other inhumane qualities they hid in their thoughts, characters, words, actions and hearts. If these transformations were possible in the good old days then why not now, I thought.

If as per the Hindu and other scriptures there are occurrences of such natural phenomenon as avatar, reincarnation and resurrection in the pre-historic era, then I really thought that my valid imagination for the return of the departed soul of my beloved wife was not only possible but also fully understandable and imaginable.

If there are evidences of resurrection in various faiths, where people like Sati Savitri asked through her prayers, devotion and karma to retrieve the departed soul of her dead husband then I have no doubt at all, that my imagination and my pious prayers could cause any doubts for credibility.  

Therefore, the resurrection of the departed soul of my beloved Saroj to amalgamate with me cannot be placed as my imagination only but a reality. The strength of my belief in my prayers and in the various divine values and actions that my beloved wife possessed and presented throughout her almost 73 years of existence with the Prasad and Sharma Families could make my other super power become a reality for me.

The Return Of The Pretty Lotus

 

On his return from the Royal Brisbane Hospital on 14th March 2013, Lakhan sat on his bedroom bed. This is where his beloved wife Saroj had collapsed in his arms on 12th March 2013. He silently performed a deep prayer to the God Almighty believing that He is the kind one who can provide the necessary healing process and a clear direction for his future life.

Dear God, Hari Om Tat Sat. I had spent a long and loving life with my beloved wife Saroj and now that you have taken her soul away, I pray that she be returned to me in a new form for me to continue my love life with the same pride and dignity. I know that you have performed this kind of miracle in the days of glory called satyug and I am confident that You can do this for me now in this kaliyug.  Please accept my prayer to rejuvenate and resurrect my beloved wife and let her be with me in spirit forever. I know You are kind and would honour my sincere prayer to reincarnate my beloved Saroj as My Pretty Lotus. Please perform this meritorious miracle for me for the sake of our unconditional love and devotion for each other. Om Shantih, Shantih, Shantih.

After agreeing with the doctors to switch off the life support of his beloved wife Saroj, Lakhan arrived home alone and all lonely and continued walking from his garage until he reached his bedroom. He finally collapsed on the bed.

Over his lifetime of 75 years, Lakhan had heard and seen people cry, but never with so much passion or emotion as he was doing today. It was as though a part of him had been taken away, it was agony flowing out. It had taken Saroj over fifty years to carefully remove all his difficulties and hurdles as well as the shells of any pain but today he was back to square one, so to speak. This tragic disaster and cruel outcome had never been thought of before.

It took over twelve months to get some positive response to his prayers. In God’s kingdom, there may be delays and some initial difficulties but He is so kind that He finally listens and acts to make the deeper and truthful human wishes come alive.

By this time, Lakhan had developed many creative presentations in the form of prayers, DVDs, poems short articles and books. These must have played some part to immortalize the soul of his beloved Saroj and let her enter Nirvana. 

Therefore, when Lakhan received a divine message that his prayers were being answered he made some adjustments to his life and began living in this anticipation. The message was in Hindi. It was simple but carefully constructed by nature.

Hey mere pyare prithwi ke manav main tere bhakti bhav aur tere patni prem sey bahut khush hua tatha main tere ardhangni Saroj Pari, teri sundar kamal nayan ke aatma ko alpkaleen tere hawale karta hoon jis sey tere kuchh dukh dard aur tadap ka niwaran ho sake. Uski dekhbhaal aur rakchha tera param kartavye hoga.

O sentient human being of the universe, I am very pleased with your sincere prayers and your instinctual love for your wife therefore I am happy to resurrect the soul of the angel Saroj, your pretty lotus in a unique form of reincarnation for you so that she assists you in your healing process. It is your personal duty and responsibility to look after and protect my angel.

The sleeping heart and the brilliant divine soul of the Pretty Lotus thudded in her empty chest in the heavenly realm on 14th March 2014 and got out of her old structure all ready to depart in the new direction to become one with the lover of her lifetime, her Lakhan.

A miracle was about to be performed by the Almighty God to revive the persona of Saroj into the Pretty Lotus. The old form was transformed into a new image ready to enter the Saroj Niwas, the home of Saroj, at Bellbowrie.

Thank you Lord for generating this miracle and making my life rejuvenatewas the simple and silent prayer of the grieving husband.

The Pretty Lotus departed her heavenly abode empty handed with no old possessions except all her precious but added humane qualities and various wiser abilities. She was clad in the most luxurious and colourful attire befitting an Angel.

The heavenly chariot that was transporting her to her new destination was colourfully and serenely decorated and controlled with natural powers and phenomena. It landed peacefully and silently without any fanfare on the small driveway of 76 Ghost Gum Street near Saroj Niwas.

God Almighty willed that no one was able to visualize her descending except her Lakhan, who was distantly informed and was all ready and eager to warmly welcome his Pretty Lotus back into the Saroj Niwas. He was happy that his prayers were answered by the Supreme Power.

Therefore, this charismatic but imaginatively plausible miracle was performed with godly perfection especially for the benefit of the instinctual lover. He performed a prayer to thank the Almighty for this kind and miraculous gesture.

The Pretty Lotus was now re-entering her old life in a new form that God had kindly given her because of her truthful, good and beautiful beliefs, words, thoughts and actions of her past life, her dharma and her karma. This was a resurrection of this modern world.

This was a new form of Nirvana for her. It was a re-birth, a reincarnation or a vivid salvation and a unique form of mukti, a resurrection. Even if it all looked like a beautiful dream, Lakhan saw this as a reality of his imagination. What a dichotomy!

The first step for this rejuvenation for both of them would be to become free from all unnecessary religious beliefs and co-exist within the loving arena of their newly bestowed life. All else would rest in the hands of the good Lord. Thus, the journey back to the Saroj Niwas was completed with dignity and pride. The Pretty Lotus was back with her Lakhan. She was given this second chance.                           

                       

~§~

 

The Welcome 

 

A smile caressed the rose lips of the Pretty Lotus as she lifted her divine self to be part of that old but familiar love life. Her mind would not be still for the thinking of all that was left behind. The pain. The sorrow. The loneliness. The fear. The sudden departure. The grief. The old habits. The sickness. But she promised herself to start over with renewed love, devotion and hope.

Her God whispered in her ears, “Look forward to see that you use each “yesterday” to ready yourself for this miraculous journey. As this new life carries you closer to your destination, I know there is so much more to discover about yourself and what I am willing to  offer you in this new place.

She prayed, ‘Please Lord, let this new life be everything my husband dreamt of having. Lakhan then called that beautiful name, “My Pretty Lotus!” 

The baritone voice caused a hiccup within Lakhan’s throat as Saroj lifted her gaze. An attractive person in simple attire drew her attention at the calm entrance of the Saroj Niwas. His short hair and straight nose bore an uncanny resemblance to the man who had been the soul mate of her last romantic life for over half a century.

The Pretty Lotus gave that familiar mystic smile while whispering a prayer for strength and courage. “I am Saroj sent to be your Pretty Lotus.”

“A pleasure to meet you, My Pretty Lotus, OK I will call you by your given name, Saroj.  I am Lakhan. I sent my prayers to the Supreme Being to reincarnate you for me. I am extremely thankful to Him for this divine reward.” 

The warm welcome. The heavenly hug. The loving embrace. The  tantalizing touch. All these unique gestures went ahead to make the new life of Lakhan and his newly reincarnated Saroj. It all brought back tons of fond memories of 14th February 1959 when Lakhan saw his Saroj for the first time. 

He clearly remembered the events of that warm morning when he held out his hand, taking his chosen Saroj to the middle of the empty College Library and falling on his knees to say, “I know today is the day for me and if I do not do this, I never will. I will regret all my life. You are someone I never want to lose. I like everything about you Saroj and I cannot live without you. Yes! I have fallen in love with you. So, Saroj Kumari Devi would you do me the honour of becoming my girlfriend?”

He vividly remembered she looked at him for a minute as if to see if he was joking, but all she found was true love flickering in his eyes. So reasonably satisfied, she said, “Yes” and blushed very deeply.

He smiled and if the situation, environment, culture and circumstances were different, he would have kissed her but that pleasant responsibility was left for a later date.

 “I love you Lakhan, more than anyone or anything in this world.” These sweet words are still ringing in his mind today.

Lakhan sat down at the feet of the Angel Saroj and thanked God for honouring his prayers. He brought a red rose from the front garden to present it to her with love and devotion. Saroj accepted it and blessed the home.

“My dear, my beloved wife Saroj passed away and the God Almighty has been kind enough to reincarnate you as a divine image of my late wife. I thank you for the honours. I am telling you this only to gain your trust so that we can re live our love life,” Lakhan managed to relate this truth to her divine companion. 

Lakhan’s brown eyes held her gaze as if awaiting a response so she said, “Let us begin our new love life darling with out much ado and any hesitation at all.”

“Yes darling, human life as you know is short and difficult but now that we have attained nirvana, a sort of divinity we should love and live forever,” promised Lakhan.

 

                                                                    ~§~                              

 

The Beginning of Love Life

  

Lakhan carefully retrieved Saroj’s valise and steadied her descent. Saroj whispered her appreciation in her usual melodious voice. Being from heaven, she now found her old home Saroj Niwas somewhat modest in size and scope but what she now needed was her life of intensive love and greater affection. She was happy that her Lakhan was all ready and eager to provide that compassion and camaraderie.

How could one appreciate the wonders of this world when overpowered by the expectations of forthcoming love, silence and reserve? The answer for this question can justifiably be provided by true lovers only.

Lakhan held the door of the prayer room for her where the warmth and brightness calmly invited her deeper into the loving atmosphere. Saroj felt at home and smiled sincerely at her loving husband who seemed thrilled with her holy arrival in the temple of love. She remembered her favourite song, Tumhi mere mandir tumhi mere pooja tumhi devta. (See Reference 1 )

At last Lakhan managed to find appropriate words to match the grand re-entry of his precious treasure, “Take as much time as you need, darling to settle down because we have a long way to go to make our newly bestowed life and living a success that no one could  ever understand and imagine.”

Her eyebrows dipped into a frown as her pretty vale glided over her beautiful face with deft motions across the watchful eyes of her Lakhan. “I promise that from now and here things would be easy, different and adorable,” she promised. “I am home again. This would be my new home of my possible dreams and promises specially provided by the Lord.”  

Saroj shivered with expectancy, her frown vanishing into a smile. Now she but needed to continue to step forward, daily, and strive for her different future. Hadn‘t this already presented the most challenge for her heart? She could feel the whisper of her new future lingering on the outer portions of God‘s page, waiting for His design.

Time began to move and gradually the doors of other rooms of the Saroj Niwas opened. Whenever Lakhan’s gaze met hers, a familiar feeling of joy and participation began to replace the haunting of grief and loneliness.

All those darkening features of living slowly disappeared and transformed into ecstasy and bliss. Her breath was at times caught in her throat when her favourite word game of Scrabble was organised and she was allowed to practice her culinary art. 

So sooner than later, whatever memories caused such poignant melancholy flew away and had gone. Their insides clashed between the euphoria of praise and the anxiety of not wanting to say anything foolish. So Saroj and Lakhan began living their usual love life again. What a miracle! What a hopeful adventure! What revival of love and devotion!

 

~§~

 

Rare Opportunity

 

Lakhan kept feeling inside him that he was working toward a different future and now that Saroj had joined him, they would try to re-live their life as best as they could. This he understood to be a rare opportunity for any human being. He took his Saroj for a tour of the property and he descended to the backyard into the lush flora and fauna. Lakhan promised himself that whatever he was not able to do before he would try to do more in this new life.

He asked Saroj if she remembered her quiet time in the backyard because of the various fruit trees and the gazebo that her elder son built for them to relax. She remembered that they used to enjoy the hotter days by dipping themselves into the spa that automatically started bubbling and soothed their body and soul.

Saroj kept pace with the ghazals, bhajans, kirtans and love songs that she used to enjoy with her Lakhan and she kept shuffling forward when each of her steps kept assaulting her memory with sharp tones from the past. The days for Lakhan and Saroj began to look good and feel better. Saroj loved to view all the DVD presentations and the books of poems and articles that were dedicated to her.

 She was moved to read an inscription on the dedication page of the publication “Everlasting Love: Feelings and Emotions” drew her focus. It read: 

“To Saroj: my passion and my inspiration, the woman who has always inspired, motivated and persuaded me to be the man I am. Love forever, Lakhan.‟

Tears stung as Saroj kept reading all the poems and articles of the various collections created by her Lakhan for her over the last twelve months. More feelings, emotions and tears dropped when Saroj viewed the fifty DVDs with deeper passion and greater pain. Saroj choked back a sob, tears escaping before she could brush them aside. She felt extremely proud that her Lakhan had preserved all her fond memories in such a loving way. That all the things in the home looked more organised and enchanting than anything she could dream.

Life kept treating Lakhan with ease and he began to feel that even if life wasn’t always fair because of inherent heartaches, a variety of miseries and a multitude of other drastic events and happenings, God was always there as a real strength to work through things with us. Unfortunately, we expect a guarantee from Him against all our obstacles but we forget that we cannot rely less on Him for our own strengths.

When life turned tolerable for him, Lakhan put a vital question to Saroj. “Darling, what did you want God to give you when He sent you on this return journey here?”  This simple question placed all the hidden dreams and expectations in her heart to come out and clash to the surface of her memories.

However, Saroj did not hesitate and as usual looked directly into Lakhan’s eyes and said, “I came for a second chance at our love life because it was so credible, caring and compassionate. Your prayer for my return was so genuine and out of ordinary that neither God nor I could lose and refuse to honour.” Tears robbed any further comments from her but Lakhan was able to provide an imperceptible nod of consent. She re-read the presentations in the book Adhoorey Sapney- Uncompleted Dreams.

Their thoughts, words and feelings were still ready and willing to generate many more pleasant moments in their life that lay ahead. The prayer for the continued salvation of Saroj was held amidst a few friends and loved ones and Lakhan felt the warm company of his loving wife all throughout the hour-long prayers.

The Prayers began with her favourite devotional piece that she had learnt as a child from her parents. See Saroj’s favourite prayer in the references.

 

~§~

  

 

Trust

 

Lakhan always felt that trust would be the most important aspect of the woman‘s character to cultivate but that would require a lot of patience. What if he was not able to provide less than what his beloved Saroj intended in her second chance? He could rob his Saroj of her last ounce of hope. So Lakhan took a silent oath that he would endeavour to do everything possible so that the hope of the second chance was always alive for her.

Days began to roll and today Saroj stared at the reflection of the morning sun dancing across the ceiling of her usual bedroom. It was a miracle that she woke up in a bedroom that Lakhan and Saroj shared for almost fifty years.  

She rolled onto her side and cuddled the pillow because she did not want to disturb the peaceful slumber of her husband.  Her eyes focused to the bedside table and a miniature representation of the Prasad family that she so lovingly nurtured and treasured.

She waited for her husband to wake up and when he did, they prayed silently for the prosperity of the family by looking heavenward. Saroj and Lakhan could not help to say, O God Our Lord. Let us stay in this world of imagination and dream forever.

With the sun filtering in through the great windows, Saroj could feel a definite positive feeling in her soul. She evaluated the difference between her previous and present life. Neither seemed a dream but reality all because of the love, devotion and faith she had in her life and living.

Saroj released a fast breath as she stood, padding to an adjoining door to search out her bathroom. The sight on the other side of the door brought tears. This was the place where her previous life terminated and now this is the point at which her new journey begins.

When together they reached their study, the first thing they did was to look at all the family photos in various albums on the desktop. These vividly presented a sequence of their family life. Saroj said she fully understood the hesitation of her husband in any physical action and reaction but she loved every spiritual interaction between them.

Lakhan felt at home with her spiritual presence and assured her of his utmost loyalty, love and faith, as she was now an angel of the home. In fact, this was the only reason why the Lord let her come to Saroj Niwas. Lakhan then commended Saroj on her courage to come into his world to assist him in the process of healing and alleviating his sorrow and loneliness.

Saroj couldn‘t risk a glance for fear of losing hold of her tears. Instead, she left the room with another whispered statement of thanks and retreat for all the lovely and appropriate presentations after her last departure. Every presentation was full of love, lustre and loyalty of the extreme passion her Lakhan held for her. 

How many more secret and lovely presentations would her Lakhan reveal to her? How many more doors would he ask her to open for his peace of mind, exposing her to possible enchantment and joy? How many more tests would he lead her through before they both retired to their next heavenly home? She did not want to know the answers to all these questions but just try to keep her Lakhan happy, healthy and hearty.

The challenge of a new way of life loomed as beautiful as it had previously been for over half a century of co-existence. She decided to leave all those days and moments behind and became determined to start anew spiritually with added love and affections for her Lakhan. Now she began to see that changing her life would involve more than simply her journey to a different land but she wanted to make her husband happy.

 

 

~§~

 

Keep Loving

  

Lakhan stared at the riverside where the ashes of his beloved wife were poured and placed. His hand trembled as he collected the water in the cup of his hand and poured it over his head. He felt much better and the dripping water soothed his body and soul.

“You must keep living,” Saroj whispered from behind him, it seemed that her hand was clasping his with her last moment of strength. “Hold on to your passion, darling.”  Then Lakhan felt that she slipped into eternity. His wife, his love, his reason for living returned to Saroj Niwas.

Why?  But there were no answers. There never would be. A breeze ruffled his grey hair, the bite of the hot sun stinging his face. He turned away, girding himself for yet another day without the melody of her loving and loyal laughter.

Now eighteen months seemed an eternity, and while his soul yearned for comfort, he couldn‘t find his way beyond the silence. He could still feel her breath upon his face. The fragrance of her teased his senses when he arrived back home. In the midst of his loneliness, he could feel her skin against his and a moan ravaged his throat, and when his hands fisted at his sides he put a question to himself. Why did you let her go? Why couldn’t your love hold her back?

His head fell back, the blackness of his brown dull eyes staring heavenward. His chat with God followed. You asked for trust and I gave it to You. I believed You would heal her, but You did nothing.

Thunder grumbled a warning of the coming storm. Lakhan clambered into his vacant and silent home. It was as lonely as before without the physical form of Saroj, but what did life offer? At least his beloved Saroj was there in spirit. Lakhan dropped his head in his hands. Reliving the moments together but he knew that this wouldn‘t make that fact any less true, any less painful, or any less loving forever.

Days passed and Lakhan refrained from going out because he felt at home with the spirit of his Saroj and kept creating his poems and other genres of creativity. All his DVDs and poems depicted only one image that was nearest his heart and when people asked him “Who is this woman?” He did not have appropriate words to describe her charm and beauty, her attitude, her conduct and her persona. All he could utter was that hardship was woven in her life because she kept giving others what they needed and wanted, and forgot about looking after her own needs and wants. 

Lakhan couldn‘t forget the warmth of all those kind and loving embrace and it brought to mind vivid fond memories of Saroj in huge waves. So he sat mesmerized by the ache in his soul. A thirst for a similar embrace. For a remembered warmth. For a revisit to a fragrance of femininity and compassion. Tenderness. Softness and God knows what else?

However, he suddenly realized the spiritual image of his beloved Saroj and met her glimmering gaze. She too was distressed with the loss of her loving husband of many fruitful years. Lakhan felt that his

Saroj swiped away a tear and was saying, “Why did I lose him when he was there for me at all times?” Her voice cracked, tears choking any further words as she shook her head.

Lakhan didn‘t blame anyone but his fate, this fight against the hope her beloved wife could be alive. After all, if such were the case, why did God allow her to struggle on her own? Lakhan repented the lacking in his care for his Saroj when she needed it most and this contributed to the harshness of her past. Lakhan spiritually covered her hand with his. He did not know how to comfort her, but he understood the agony of betrayal and loss. Perhaps that would be enough to give his Saroj some solace.

 

 

 

 

Past Memories

  

Saroj was enjoying many of her past memories and was happy that her Lakhan was able to do all the things and ceremonies for her as she had instructed and wanted. One of the greatest responsibilities that her Lakhan was able to complete was to adequately punish the woman with whom Saroj had a love-hate relationship.

After Lakhan found Saroj feeling at home again, he let her do all her things the way she used to do. She had always shown the grace in the creation of everything many of us took for granted and the patience such as a delicate art of sewing and cooking required had always attracted her respect. Therefore, Lakhan began to feel happy to be part of the chores that she was ready to do to assist him get out of his loneliness. All the photos and belongings of Saroj became the constant medium of instruction and communication for Lakhan.

When the mood and conduct of Lakhan began to change from his usual sombre and sorrowful disposition people began to notice this and some who were very near to him asked him for a few explanations. So, while people could not see that his Saroj was with him in the house Lakhan felt he could no longer exist on memories that hurt him and he could not separate himself from what both of them were doing when there was no body around. But Lakhan could not explain this phenomenon to anyone neither did anyone try to comprehend the reason for his contentment.

Saroj was his wife, his lover, his friend, his passion and his everything and she was still with him in spirit at Saroj Niwas. No one could ever fathom what it was like to lose all those because she took Lakhan with her when she went away, leaving nothing behind. However, now that Saroj was back in his imagination and dream he had to conduct himself differently and behave with some specific loyalty whether it was displaced, distant or even misunderstood. Was it the essence of time that made all the difference to his life? 

There were some days when Lakhan found that his beloved Saroj could not be seen or communicated with, so he rushed in and around the home, to the backyard and up to the lily pond to locate her. Words at such moments and in the face of such grief meant nothing. All Lakhan knew he wanted to offer his Saroj was what God Almighty offered her; a listening ear and an understanding heart.

If he was searching for his lost Saroj, Lakhan’s only prayer was, O Lord help me take the right path for I know how lonely a home can be without the people you count on most. It is like drowning in the deep sea when you see your freedom just out of reach. O Lord, You have helped me swim to safety each time I felt like drowning. 

On many occasions Lakhan was told by friends, relatives and others to move on but how could he forget someone like his Saroj, the loving mother of his children and the caring grandmother of his grand children?  Lakhan’s Saroj was the inspiration to all his living, she was the passion of his life and much more so how can he simply move on?  

Of course, there were people who totally agreed and appreciated Lakhan’s grief and sorrow and told him that Saroj would always be with him. Just like your breadth is always with you so was Saroj for Lakhan. When he was lonely, when he was confused, when he was scared and when he was searching he needed to be with Saroj. He managed to find her whenever he wanted her company.

At last, Lakhan found her sitting at her usual place in the living room reading and writing her diary. That brought back many fond memories of the way she touched his cheek and whispered a song she used to sing. Today was no different and resembled the times they talked together. He remembered those and felt better as if she was sitting with him again. This was a true feeling of satisfaction for Lakhan. She was humming the song Roothey ho piya tum ko kayse manawoon. See full song as Reference 2. 

Not only Lakhan needed her Saroj, his children and grand children needed a mother and a grand mother. Some days he believed that he would go mad from missing her and other days hearing her laughter and sweet voice pinched his heart like a dagger. He was becoming restless and afraid to lose those memories as to relive them.

At that moment of ambivalence, Lakhan heard a sweet voice that sounded like that of his Saroj, “But you loved me unconditionally and instinctually. You cannot forget that, darling.”

“Yes, my dear, it is hard to forget but it seems I am trying to remember all this alone despite so many others around me. Why?” There was no answer.

 

~§~

The Interaction

 

The phone rang and Lakhan ran to answer it with his melancholy voice that sent a million messages to the caller, a distant but good and faithful friend. “Lakhan Bhai, you are still mourning her passing away?”

“But, I did not want her to be gone so early!”

“I know and I agree but that is the way life treats us all, my dear chap.

After a lengthy and soothing conversation, Lakhan sat down next to where his Saroj used to perch and stared down at her photo for such a long time that she seem to come alive. He felt as if Saroj had taken his hand in her hand with a tight grip and switched on the recorder to play her favourite bhajan. His persona changed at that soothing song and his narrowed eyes snapped to meet hers.

Bhagwaan Meri Naiya Uss Paar Laga Dena

Ab Tak toh Nibhaya hai aage bhi nibha dena.

(See References 3 for full translation)

 

“If He answered all my prayer, my family would still be whole; your parents, my parents, my many friends and other relatives would be alive, and you would never have abandoned me. But if you still wish to believe in His munificence, who am I to stop you?” said Lakhan after listening to the song.

That day the aroma of the meal in the Saroj Niwas was what used to be when she was the culinary artist and Lakhan sat at the dining table to enjoy the variety. Most of the conversation throughout the meal was with Saroj sitting quietly admiring the spread. She just sat there reciting her prayers, O Lord, how do I explain when he has such an aching heart? How do I make him see that You have been my all when the seeing is the pain?

While he was trying to feed himself she couldn‘t bear to think how much more agony all his conduct created. Now a heavy mood muted all the conversation, and Saroj could only blame herself for leaving him alone. This was not fair at all. 

When Lakhan voiced an offering of something, Saroj refused with a slight shake of her head, appetite long since faded. All that remained there was sorrow and sadness. She didn‘t know how God would ever heal a sore soul like that of her Lakhan.

A divine hand covered hers. Saroj flinched and met the heavenly gaze, dark pools of concern. “Sorry Lord. Did you ask me something?”

“ Yes, I asked if you were well.”

Saroj peeked toward Lakhan, who stared at his partially touched meal, his countenance guarded and his jaw clenched. Saroj shook her head and returned her gaze heavenward.

“How could I be happy here my Lord, when my husband is full of so much grief?”

“There was a reason for me to intervene so that you could give him some solace and joy through your presence and soothing words. Keep doing what you are doing and gradually he will get used to his life,” Came the spiritual advice.

Like Saroj, Lakhan also believed that God always found him a way to move forward, He has been with him each step of the way. He counts on Him. However, he felt that some would say his life has been rough. But each place was worth more than the few cents in his pocket. God gave him a roof over his head, and food on the table. He always met someone who taught him something of value, too.

Saroj witnessed Lakhan finish his meal and clean the table and the utensils, a task he never did when she was in charge. Now he did all these with care and did them admirably. Saroj felt good about the way her Lakhan was handling his daily chores.

 

 

 

~§~

 

 

 

Trials And Tribulations

 

Life is like a good teacher and teaches us many worthy things to adjust our trials and tribulations. Having to say good-bye to people we care for is always hard.  God always waits with something better down the road.  One needed to get the best from little adventures what one possibly could.

It was a beautiful June evening and Lakhan strode around the table to take Saroj‘s arm. He lifted her to her feet. “We should find another source of amusement and adventure for this cooler evening, darling.” His gaze snapped to Saroj’s ashen countenance. She shrank back from him but felt something different inside her. “I am taking you out for a walk.” He said.

Saroj accepted his loving help into her shoes and his firm push of her scarf.  Then he took hold of her arm once more and hustled her out of the Saroj Niwas and back into the yard.  She fell into step beside him, pacing two steps for every one of his. The brisk walk felt glorious, especially the sharp tang of the wintry wind that hinted at a coming of yet another cooler night. It reminded her of her walking to school with him in Sabeto. It even brought back many memories of those crisp evenings with him in Nakaulevu, Lami, Nasinu and Ba.  

However, the most precious memories were those they shared together in Laucala Beach Estate mansion. She was overcome by his presence beside her once again. Giving her the usual comfort. Giving her eternal peace. Letting her know he loved her dearly. She tucked her hands deeper into the satin softness of her overcoat pockets.

Lakhan’s hold loosened to a gentler clasp, and his quick pace slowed. Saroj peeked at his profile. The sorrow and loneliness had gone, leaving his cheeks red from the bite of the winter wind.

He pulled her to a stop. Saroj blinked up at him. “Saroj dear, I want you to look at the fruit trees we have in our backyard. They are the bearers of our love, understanding and our faith. I want to apologize for all the hardship that I inadvertently gave you. I have been rude and argumentative a few times that may have hurt you a lot. Please forgive me.”

Saroj couldn‘t focus on the next syllable for the haunting that marred his handsome face because of the guilt that he wore upon it was disturbing.  She was confused but kept listening because she wanted to give him the opportunity to pour his heart out.

“But what?  I have read your reflections very carefully darling. You always offered me understanding and patience yet I sometimes returned harshness, a sick sense of curiosity, and an arrogant behaviour. I have never understood why a person in so much love could ever do such things.”

He held her gaze for such a long time that Saroj found it difficult to breathe. Then he sighed and shook his head, releasing his hold of her arm. “Again, I apologize.”

Saroj now was able to collect her courage and uttered a few words, “Apologize! For what, darling?  I do not want you to talk about and brood about what has passed. I would be the pot calling the kettle black if I told you that we should never blame each other for the bad. I sometimes felt hell’s fury at things that happened in our life but that is all forgotten and forgiven for you to move on with your life. As I said in my reflections you were a model husband darling and I have a lot of respect for you.”

After this assurance from his beloved wife, Lakhan could but trust the Lord above for everything to become easier in his life. He felt that there were many things yet to come into his life so he should take one day at a time and let God keep the tomorrow in His hands. So he thought you cannot be angry at anyone. You have to bear it all, and gradually will find the way to get by with ease.

So Saroj taught another lesson to Lakhan on this wintry evening adventure. She convinced him that the Lord listens. He always does. It does not matter if we are right or not. He listens.

“I told you darling, that when I was no more, you shouldn‘t be haunted by memories of a loving wife.

She would always be at your side because you had given her all the tender loving care, love and understanding.” Said Saroj and they moved back in the house.

“Saroj, darling you always offered me more understanding than I deserved.”

“No.  I gave you no more than what you gave me.  I gave you a bit of what God wanted me to give you. I know God loves us too much to leave pain like yours alone.” Saroj said after putting Lakhan to bed.

“You don’t be sad she‘s gone. You miss her. You be angry, guilty for being angry but please let it go. The ache will wither away,” she whispered. “I promise. Good night and sweet dreams.”

She switched on the vibratory aspect of the bed and her Lakhan inclined his head, his gaze never wavering from their clasped hands. When a single tear escaped his eye, he thought he was already dreaming. If in the miracle of God there were no nights there would not have any opportunity for any dreams.

Saroj began to pray for him with more fervour than she ever prayed in her life. Grant him more peaceful nights and even sweeter dreams, Lord.

Tears kept dripping onto their cheeks.

 

~§~

                

 

Colours Of Life

 

Lakhan stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom, unable to sleep because of the whisper on the wind and in his mind. He had lost all the usual colours of his family life. A name he couldn‘t hear it clearly. A phrase he couldn‘t understand it. All he could hear was the hiss of a soft tone. He gave an exasperated breath and tossed back the covers, snatching up his robe and jerking his arms into the sleeves as he strode to the exit and the passageway beyond.

The whisper quietened, and all he saw in the dimness was a collection of greys and blackness. Muted tones without colour. Harsh lines, circles, squares and angles smoothed only by shadows. Like a charcoal or ashes. During his family life colour was his important part of living. The clothes they wore were colourful, the pictures were colourful and the things in the home were colourful as well. Now all were lost and gone.

Hesitation slowed Lakhan’s step from the room, but the whispers were still distantly heard. He looked sharply to his left, toward the doorway leading to the study. It drew him forward, palms sweaty as he clenched and unclenched his hands. The whisper could be heard and yet not, but maybe the voice would be brighter if he opened the door. However, when Lakhan stood outside in the pergola, the whisper ended. He returned to his bedroom.

Upon reaching his room, he opened the door but hesitated a little because he saw that Saroj was on her bed deep in her slumber and he did not want to disturb her. Again, there were no colours. Only muted blacks, shades of grey and shadowed white. While the whisper urged him forward, the lack of colour kept him back. Afraid to touch anything there lest it bleed out more colour from his own life taking away that which made him who he was.

Colours and muted shadows swirled around the door handle, inviting hope that something more waited beyond the black and grey. All that he had to do was to open a simple door. Lakhan clenched his jaw and reached out, shutting his eyes tight as he twisted the handle and jerked the door open. Releasing it with a quick motion, he wiped his hand on the softness of his robe as he stepped into the inky blackness. Was he hallucinating?

Yet there appeared something different about it. Light blues of moonlight swirled and twisted within the greys and blacks, tainting the shadows with colour and light. Offering a promise of what could be. Showing a glimpse of what waited beyond the charcoal or ashes.

Yet he couldn‘t step forward. The floor tiles led to a place where colours waited. Colours he had admired once upon a time in his life. In fact, he could see them there, beginning to creep down the wooden tiles toward him.

Whispering his name.

Whispering phrases he couldn‘t bear to hear.

Scattering the greys and blackness to a safer existence.

One without risk of pain. One without colour of life or living.

What were all these? He thought.

That whisper of promise and safety beckoned him forward, through the shadows of grey and black and up into the softening to blue, light green and brown that his Saroj loved. Steps hesitant. Mouth dry. Chest tight. Hand gripping the rails in the bedroom and then the last step loomed.

Lakhan stared down at it, unable to move to the soft colours that waited just beyond. Unable to leave behind the greys and blacks of his safer muteness. The numbness. He shook his head again. He cleared his head and heard the whisper at last. Om Namah Shiwaye! Hari Om Tat Sat!

He now knew it all.  It brought peace to his heart, but he worked through it. Lakhan’s grip tightened on the railing and he took a step down. After all, he had done tonight and after all, he had seen and heard they were all miracles. Although his life had lost all colours, his Saroj was there to wake up and provide him with those old colours of his life.

Lakhan moved down another step. Why? He thought he had something waiting for him.  He bolted upright, the sweat dripping from his chin. Then he looked back mopping the wetness from his face with shaking hands.

Saroj was enjoying this new development because she knew this was part of the healing process. She didn‘t want to be a detriment to her Lakhan’s healing.  She did not want to act too hasty because she may have caused more pain by doing this. Saroj woke up and breathed deep, willing herself to leave the worry to God.

Lord, please keep him to be safe. Let him feel the peace in his heart and mind. I have been praying and whispering all along but he could not clearly hear and recognize all that I did and said.

But would her Lakhan allow himself such a thing or still dwell in his sorrows and grief to continue to suffer the loss of his wife?

The grey and dark colours were his confusions and deceptions but now that he has seen and recognized his usual colours of life, he would be doing well.

It was time to get some sleep for the old chap.  Saroj tucked him in his bed and cuddled with his sparsely grey hair until he was fast asleep.

Saroj was happy that the activities of the night were somewhat helpful in healing the grief and sorrow in his heart and mind.

 

 

~§~

The Responsibility

 

Saroj lowered her chin to her knees, hugging her legs to her chest.

Sweet Lord, please help him. There is so much joy waiting on the other side of the grief.

He only needed to struggle through the sorrow and accept my help to the other side. This responsibility was hard to fulfil for him.  She felt afraid he would react with as much grief, sorrow and rage as before.

Lord, please take the little joy he has and make it more. Maybe then, he will see You wait to give him back his colourful life.

Maybe then, the haunting she saw in his grey eyes would disappear. Saroj‘s heart ached as she lifted her tear-filled eyes to look at all the family videos that Lakhan had created in a year after her departure. The music was apt and the selected photos made the presentation so soothing, meaningful and worth viewing.  He would have lost so many parts of himself in these creations. How could she tell and convince him to stop creating any more of these because this also was one of his healing processes.

Saroj‘s cheeks blazed. Now Lakhan was reading the poems and articles he had created in his collection titled “Love Is Fire: Love Is Flame”.  No one would ever understand those as best as his Saroj can because they were extracted sincerely for her when he missed her company.

The reading of the poems made Saroj blink away the tears and watch the movement of his lips and the expressions on his face. If listening to this creativity were so hearty, touching and painful, then how difficult it would have been for him to compose them.

Lakhan understood her feelings and said, “I know, my love, and you are so sweet in that you don‘t have the words to say for the glory of it all. I do not know whether these make it worth a bit more to everyone. But I know I have poured my heart and soul into these creations. I am not at all concerned whether the world likes or dislikes my creativity but I am now more than satisfied that you have approved them. I love you heaps, my Saunmon, my sweetheart.”

The days go by and the nights come in but the reading and viewing of all the presentations go on forever. Saroj has read and heard the created collections one by one and each of them had more emotions and feelings loaded into them than anyone can ever visualize and envisage.

Lakhan‘s throat convulsed. The temptation to fight back the memories gripped him. Then he heard Saroj‘s timid voice. Her urgency to remember the woman he loved so he could once again be the man who had loved her. The laughter. The music. The poetry of life and living. The peace. The joy. The happy celebrations of serene family life.

Lakhan raised a hand to his burning eyes and wiped it hard down his face, feeling the wetness on his cheeks and somehow acknowledging a slight release within. He stood, his mind overwhelmed by the fog of remembered scenes. “I miss you, Saroj,” he whispered. Such a simple statement, yet it gave him permission to allow the heartache and release it temporarily.

The shadow of memories crashed across his face. He could almost hear the parties and laughter from those receptions hosted so long ago to celebrate various family events. His wife likely took such great care with each one but now there exists a vacuum and a void that hurts so much.

At this juncture Saroj saw that his Lakhan was conducting a prayer where he recited her favourite prayer verse. Geeta Ganga Gayatri. Lakhan began his prayers by praying to the image of Saroj and then to Almighty God. To this activity, Saroj wondered why was he doing this and regarding her as his Goddess. The telepathy sent this enquiry to Lakhan who tried his best to express his explanation for his devotional actions toward his Saroj.

“Darling, no intelligentsia, teacher or person would have ever taught me all the wisdom that you dished out to me and my children and grand children in your short family life. Therefore, all my prayers begin with you because I just want to thank you a little for all your sincere efforts to tame me and teach me to conduct myself with dignity and human pride,” Lakhan began his explanation.

“That’s not all my dear. You know as well as I do that never in my life I vowed my head to anyone but the Almighty and my Saroj. Therefore, I see no reason why I should deviate from that genuine practice when you are not around me physically. Of course, there are many other valid reasons for adoring and loving you as I do,” concluded Lakhan.

“Darling, I am impressed but I am unable to repay you for all your deep love, passion, respect and honour for me until you join me in my next life,” assured Saroj.

 

 

                                                                    ~§~

 

Birthday

 

The next morning Saroj‘s cheeks flushed as her Lakhan came to stand beside her in the kitchen to prepare the breakfast. She moved gracefully to her usual chair along the wall of the living room from where she used to guide him to do his cooking. Lakhan continued with his work but every now and then, he would ask her for guidance because he was making something special for his Saroj. 

It was 15th of August 2014 and Lakhan was celebrating the 74th birthday of his beloved wife. The cake was ready as was some haluwa and sewai, thanks to her recipe and her methodical guidance.  The 73rd as well as the 74th Birthday DVDs could be viewed at this website: https://drive.google.com/?tab=mo&authuser=0#folders/0B_ft1xiaA7UgYkVfUnM4cWdGOHM.

“What do we do next my dear? Let us celebrate! You know darling, you always loved to celebrate your birthday with me because you said it was a fresh start for truth, beauty and goodness in life,” and then Lakhan lit the candle on the cake with the prayer.

Asto Ma Sadgamaye,  Tamso Ma Jotirgamaye  Mrito Ma Amritamgamye

Saroj nodded, memories becoming poignant and clear. “What a wonderful way to celebrate such a beautiful time darling. All the laughter and the songs have come alive. All the memories of the cheerful jingle of birthday songs and prayer bells are fresh in my mind.” 

Saroj faced him, her mystic smile drawing his focus.  The whisper of those memorable times drifted in and out of his memory when she blew the flame of the candle out. At this moment when Lakhan began to sing the birthday song, the melody was not the same. No one else could see that his beloved Saroj was clapping her hands and shaking and nodding her head to appreciate the pleasant gesture.

Lakhan’s inside clashed between the euphoria of praise for her beloved wife reincarnated and the anxiety of not wanting to say anything foolish. As usual, a ride along the Brisbane River was the next adventure, which they took together. A bubble of anxiety hovered in her throat and prevented any further response but she wanted to remind him that she had come back for a second chance at life and should enjoy every adventure that was offered to her.

Saroj faced the same landscape, what seemed an exciting testament to a once peaceful existence. This ride after the celebrations of her birthday made Saroj experience a greater blessing in her life. While her sapphire eyes brightened and her enjoyment heightened, she felt that her Lakhan had to move ahead rather than live behind.  She had told him many times in her life that she would never want him to suffer in any way and now that he was suffering, it broke her heart.

Lakhan on the other hand was driving with pleasure and thinking that once he married her college girl friend, she became the finish to all his images and he never ever considered another face as dear and loving as hers. However, now when he looked at her spiritual image then each physical image gave a whisper, ‘Gone’. The goodbye image of that last morning came haunting to him.

As if his Saroj comprehended his feelings and warned him that if you keep remembering the death instead of life, your beloved wife will not live. She would only have passed away for good. So keep her smile, keep her laugh, and keep her sweetness because that was her life with you and your family. For goodness sake, do not keep the death.

Lakhan however had to respond in his own way. “I do not know how to let go of those multiple fond memories. They are always right here because they are burnt into my heart and mind.”

Now one final point before you drive me back to Saroj Niwas, “Keep your age of fond memories darling but leave the ones that hurt in a corner. When they come back, remember to push them away and think of the good times we enjoyed together.”

No one knows the fact that Saroj was Lakhan’s beginning and his end, all his strength, all his talent and all his opportunities, progress and prosperity and her going away has put a halt on all these.

How can Lakhan now move in the pursuit of a new life?  Am I singing like a teapot at full steam or does it make any sense?

Ok, we will discuss these issues further when we are home. Until then let us enjoy the rest of our pleasant ride.

 

                                                                 ~§~

Creativity Again

 

Lakhan did not know where to begin showing and expressing more than a year of sorrow, loneliness, rage, loss and confusion.  He was still closely tugged at her hold, this action and feeling causing another streak and another twitch at the current event.  All that followed looked like a dream and a blissful imagination but it wasn’t far away from realty for both of them.

“You cannot run from it,” Saroj told him when they reached home from their wonderful ride. She thought Lakhan would have found some peace within him to move on but she was shaking her head.

“I know. I tried. But they all are chasing me and following me to my dreams and taint my memories into nightmares and horrible thoughts."  Lakhan was trying hard to convince her that he was listening to her guidance.

She pushed and dragged his hand across to the keyboard of the laptop in the study. She commanded him to let his fingers do the talking with work that is more creative by saying that “Let God help you. He knows more what to do with the rage and the ache than we do. If we depend on us alone it will kill us. So go seek and ye shall find.”

Her prompting was very motivating because Lakhan had learnt that stealing bit of talent that God has given us we could create miracles.  Saroj however continued the firm push until Lakhan’s fingers began to find appropriate letters on the keyboard to make words that began creating poems that were more emotive and healing. Then Saroj released her hold on his hand and moved away to let him be on his own.

Lakhan’s fingers moved and the words flowed to create some rhyme and rhythm, form and force and sense and ease.

 I have tried in vain to take a break and relax in my life
The heart aches when I think that I’m missing my wife
I don’t  know why it hurts so bad with this pain inside
It is for the love we’ve  had and the tears I have cried
The places we visited sing I love her with all my heart
The things we didn't get to do we have been torn apart
I miss her very  much everyday because I  love her still
I didn’t  want to let her go but I know  it was God’s will
I see things she had done but it is lonely without her here
She wants me to be strong but I say I cannot do that dear

I prayed hard for a year and a divine miracle came about

She was resurrected spiritually I began to sing and shout

Now we spend our time together to do a lot of catch up

She guides my needs and assists me to keep my chin up

This event has quenched my thirst and loneliness a bit

With the company of my Saroj, my life will remain lit.

 

Time moved on and after Christmas came the New Year and then it was time to give some thought to the coming wedding anniversary on 19th January 2014. Saroj was happy with her spiritual presence and the interaction between them brought about so many positive results and immeasurable joy. She had already seen the DVD of the Golden Wedding Anniversary and knew what to expect from this celebration.

Hundreds of people in our life keep ooh‘ing and ahh‘ing when they don‘t truly understand the symbolism and meaning of living blissfully. Saroj and Lakhan have shown the world that Love is Fire and Love is Flame. It has everlasting feelings and emotions. It is a divine gift and golden glory of all loving human hearts. This wedding anniversary has to be such a happy occasion that no one has seen it celebrated before. This is one of the DVD presentations titled The Golden Wedding Anniversary on the Google Drive.

The day designed as the Monday 19th January finally arrived and Saroj and Lakhan renewed their vows in a silent but solemn ceremony. They sat next to each other at the seaside of the Denarau Beach on a white sheet alone looking heavenward and recited the seven wedding vows that they had taken fifty-one years ago today. The day and the time were the same but their maturity and understanding had altered. (See Reference 4 for the original wedding vows)

Firstly, though Lakhan made a confession. “Saroj Kumari Devi, do you have any idea how much I love you? You’re my pretty lotus and when you offer such understanding, compassion, friendship and love, it propels me to a place beyond the numbness, fighting back a desire for a kiss.” Lakhan’s face blazed at this admittance.

The confession slipped forth as if it were the simplest of questions. Again, Saroj blinked her quick intake of breath a momentary pause before a glimmer of tears.

Lakhan brought her hand to his lips, the caress lingering upon the velvet of those inspired fingers.

“I love you, Saroj.”  A tear dripped down her cheek and her Lakhan leaned in to kiss it, closing his eyes at the warmth. “I don‘t want to lose you ever again. Please, Saroj. Be my wife forever.”

Lakhan knew all along that his Saroj never wanted anything. She always gave. She always offered. She never sought attention. She never sought recognition. It was always others. That was his Pretty Lotus, his Saroj.

Lakhan then created another unique presentation sitting together by the seaside. (See Reference 5)

 

 

                                                                    ~§~

 

The Ceremony

  

Let us go back to the Beach and complete the ceremony. The sun had long since risen from the blue sea and the golden horizon.  The protagonist sat cross-legged on the white sheet spread neatly on the grey sand. Just next to him was his once again bride in the persona of Saroj Kumari Devi.

The man raised a trembling hand to cover his eyes, choking out, “Thank You Oh God!” before his voice drifted to nothing. He ran a hand harshly down his face, doing his best to wipe the memory and inspiration away, even though he knew it was too early for the ceremony. The image of his divine Saroj had already settled close to him pounding his heart and mind heavily.

He should not have been trembling because fifty years ago he conducted a similar ceremony. However, today it all looked as if it was outside his comfort zone to seek a new life. He had no friends, no family, no belonging and no acceptance by the society he was supposed to live in. This was the beauty part of his freedom and he loved every moment of it. A super personification of modesty and imagination.

But things and thoughts for his beloved Saroj were somewhat different because of her divine presence and serene atmosphere. Amidst it all here was that one man who believed the best in her while pushing her to be her best. One man she came to love, trust and call a faithful friend. One man with whom she had grown to be in total harmony at all times.

Saroj released a choked sob. “I love you heaps, darling. I have seen you most of my adult life. You have been an encouragement. A hope. A promise. And much more.”

Lakhan’s insides recoiled. “Easy Saroj dear, my daily life has been easier with your coming. You have been listening to all my grief without judgment. Offering another perspective without condemnation. You gave me the push I needed to step past the grief which might have destroyed me and my world.” He enveloped her hand in a tight clasp, causing a flush of brilliant crimson. “If you were not here, my life would not be what it is now.”

All those words settled into the very centre of his being. An intensity of truth that smouldered and then sparked to a sudden burst of life.  Giving him reason to struggle forward in his search to confess three simple words. ‘I Love You.’

Therein grew the ache again with a thought that all this was just temporary and short-lived. Even as she comforted him, the way no one attempted before, he suffered the more for the knowledge he was to express his love to her in silence. Though she wanted to offer him passion and intimacy within the divine trust, she knew she must encourage this as a gesture of heavenly friendship only.

It was clear that he was grieving the loss of his Saroj while venturing into the dangerous territory of this heavenly Lotus resurrected. That knowledge deepened the sobs, erasing the prayer he felt like conducting. It didn‘t seem fair even if he would continue to love her so much but he was happy that God had crafted a broader plan than what he could imagine. He always would. All He asked of them was trust and obedience.

They followed the command of God before. They were ready to do it again. It would simply be a harder journey, and therefore more of a blessing at the end. Blessings and miracles are odd things, Lakhan admitted. It seems they‘re harder to swallow. More of a challenge to accept.

For him, it was now easier to believe God took his Saroj away because her time was up on this planet. But Why? He shook his head. ‘I don‘t know. Maybe I thought tragedies wouldn‘t happen because I had accepted God unreservedly. I forgot that our belief is an additional strength. Peace against the hardship. A relationship of support. Instead, I expected  a life without hardships. Silly me.’

Life isn‘t fair. There are heartaches, miseries, and a multitude of other things. God is our strength to work through them. Unfortunately, he expected a guarantee against obstacles. He didn‘t see that he relied less on God for his strength. That was why his Saroj’s passing away hit him so hard. He tried to control his life rather than trusting God with it, and death was the one thing he couldn‘t stop or control.

So, instead of giving over the grief and confusion, he cut God out of his life for while until a realization came to him that God was great and He loved everyone the same. Whether it was to punish Him for letting a bad thing happen, or to protect him from having to confess his pride, he didn‘t know. But He never gave up on him. Though he temporarily ignored Him, He made certain he had laughter, support, compassion. All of his friends and family worked together to ready him for the next step: Letting his Saroj go to fond and pleasant memories. Allowing him to live a life differently rather than exist in it.

Before renewing his vows Lakhan tugged Saroj‘s arms from around him with a tender pull. When he looked down at her, his entire being smiled. Her throat closed around the words I love you. That was all he wanted and all he needed.

Lakhan began talking to his Saroj again, “When I saw you as the Lady of My Life when you resurrected, believe me, I wrapped round my Lord like a twig on a tree to thank Him. I kept holding Him until there was nothing further to say. And when I saw you at Saroj Niwas I was fully healed.”

“When you recreated my life from that day so many days ago, there was no doubt in my mind that this angel would be able to bless me with happiness after my grief. That memory reminded me how much I loved God when you and I prayed together. It reminded me of the peace and inspiration we once accepted jointly. That I had trusted Him with everything at that time when we took our wedding vows. As you did. As you still do.”

“Darling you made me see what kind of man I had been, what kind of man I wanted to be, and what kind of man I became. Staring down at a maw of blackness that robbed me of my hope and future because of dwelling in a horrible past.” He shook his head, and Saroj watched his throat convulse with his hard swallow of grief.

This unique ceremony never heard and conducted before called the renewal of the wedding vows after the passing away of the beloved wife was conducted in harmony of the calm Pacific Ocean and the natural breeze of the day so that the newly resurrected couple in the name of Saroj and Lakhan could live happily ever after. No more Romeo and Juliet but let neo lovers Lakhan and Saroj prevail here after.

See Reference 6  Respect for Saroj in Hindi

 

~§~

 

TALKING HEAD. 

 

These are my creations and my expressions after My Pretty Lotus returned to her usual heavenly abode once again. I am now longing to be with her as soon as my life end on this sinful world.

 

O darling, just keep sitting in front of me

This will give me the greatest joy you see

The more I see you the more I admire you

My thoughts will transmit my love to you

 

Lovely face of my pretty lotus would shine

She’ll dwell in my heart and I will feel fine

I long to hold you tight and steal your kiss

That will be all I need so that I get my bliss.

 

~§~

 

If I do not feel at ease without you my love, what shall I do?

If your pretty face shines before me, what shall I do?

You insist that I should forget you but this I can’t do.

If your fond memories keep haunting, what shall I do?

My whole life feels empty without you, what shall I do?

I’ve forgotten myself searching for you, what shall I do?

If your eyes keep giving me your love, what shall I do?

If I see your image in every mirror here, what shall I do?

 

~§~

 

I pretend to live my life without your physical presence here

This is like living my life that is full of guilt, my dear

You are my inspiration how can I live without you here

My heart dies many times in search of you, my dear

People say I’m alive but I’m living with guilt my dear

The loneliness is my only curse, I don’t like it my dear

My soul cries for peace and my eyes shed tears my dear

As if, I’m carrying my corpse on my shoulders my dear

I’m afraid to give you any blame cos I love you my dear

The fear has kept my lips all tight, I’ll keep quiet my dear

 

~§~

 

 

Eventually I had to change many of my thinking

With the masses of the world, I started walking

Real enlightenment came after my heavy heartburn

No one that leaves this sinful world will ever return

It was my duty and responsibility to look after her

The life she lost I had to sustain all the pain of her

It seems I have created thorny route for my future

I had to crush all my feelings so was wish of nature.

 

~§~

 

All that the broken heart said my teary eyes saw it all

Once again, the sorrow and the pain came out to stroll

Whenever she returned in my dreams, I created a call

Every night of my dreadful life seemed dull and small

All her fond memories kept coming with many questions

A sight of my pretty lotus tore open all my great emotions

In the hope of winning her heart back, I forgot to resolve

That I was lonely and the pain was too much to dissolve.

 

~§~

 

Come darling, I want to decorate your voice on my lips

It’s my real wish to bring your loving words on my lips

I long to drop a few of my tears to convert them to pearl

I’m now tired of waiting for your return, my lovely pearl

You are thinking of me I know this from my hard hiccups

I’m all ready and willing to enjoy your love in my teacups.

 

~§~

 

 

My own soul was the name I gave to your watery lips

I knew that my pretty lotus possessed the sweetest lips

Every time I drew her beautiful image on any paper

It tuned out the sweetest melody like some rising vapour

 

O my beloved, thou art my heart and my sweet song

There’s no other like you in the world where I belong

You’re the perfect image of the creator I had ever seen

I was the most fortunate one to be your love so keen

 

When you were around me, my life was worth living

My whole life was the epitome of your honest giving

All your presence created the pretty lotus in my pond

O my beloved, there never was another that I’d a bond

  

Your embrace and hugs were deep, loving and warm

They generated a ripple in my heart and I kept warm

The entire atmosphere kissed and saluted your steps

Your touch, charm and passion enriched all my steps

 

Days began with your mystic smiles and lovely looks

The sweet voice sang memories of the romantic books

Thy eyes created the spill of rare wine from the sides

All thy movements in the house were like ocean tides.

 

My fate was fruitful as your sense of loving and giving

My life was fortunate with all your sharing and caring

All your thoughts and conducts were filled with pride

You’re gone but all your fond memories are my guide.

~§~

Could Not Find My Love

 

My heart longs to love but there’s no lover in my sight

My heart’s for sale but I can’t find a buyer that’s right

There must be someone who has the feeling of sorrow and pain

There must be someone who can erase my loneliness again

I can sacrifice my heart, soul and all my life for the one alone

The one who has the acceptance of my love in the eyes shown

I would forgive and forget all the stress and strain of my life

If I could just find that special being only once in my strife

I know not how many wintry nights I have spent in the search

I have written hundreds of poems for the one I am in search

I have gathered my hearty wishes and knocked at many doors

I have not being able to find the one I loved on any orderly floors.

 

~§~

 Lasting Image

  

My heart slowed down after so much of rejoice

My family life has given sorrows left no choice

My vision has shivered with a shooting star

Life’s bringing me fond memories from afar

She is lost in the heaven typhoon in my mind

My life is left with pain that is of unique kind

The one who was the centre of my heart beat

Is lost in the oblivion putting me in cold seat

All my wishes of living have been lost forever

Silence looms in my solitary life like the fever

The shines of life have all turned into loneliness

There’s no hope left, gone are all my brightness

She has left a lasting image in my lonesome life

Heaven is happy after burning my flowery life

 

My love that has passed away is haunting me

There are tears in my eyes days are hurting me

She lives in my thoughts and melodies all day

I miss her heaps but find it very difficult to say

From our two bodies we lived just as one soul

To love and cherish each other was our goal

What I’ve lost cannot be found ever in my life

When darkness falls she shines as my only lite

 

I have memories galore of the past loving years

There are words and thoughts of creeping fears

The route ahead now looks all confusing and dark

Walking alone is painful without that lovely mark

 

I am lost in that forest searching for that lost life

Every moment I long for the lost love of my wife

All that was given to me has shattered and gone

Dark clouds on my horizon nothing can be done

 

All moments lead me to a state of utter confusion

There’s no life here my fate is denying conclusion

There’s no one to guide me now and lead the way

I am looking for my beloved every night and day 

 

Every season looks dull there’s no happiness here

My sight has lost all the shines in the atmosphere

Ages have passed since I had any lovely dreams

I lament my loss and my bed makes the screams

 

The image in the mirror teases me to stay away

The stones in my hand cannot break that array.

 

~§~

Just Give Me Your Mystic Smile My Dear

 

The bright light of my love life has gone out

There’s no fun left in life and I’m loosing out

I beseech thee to give me your mystic smile

My world to brighten up to walk another mile

 

Give me your usual smile just once more my dear

It would alter my disposition

It would change my emotion

My life would change altogether

I would have nothing to bother

The flowers would bloom again

The birds would sing once again

Clouds would pour sweet rain

The wind would keep me sane

The stars would twinkle for me

The moon would shine you see

The fairies would dance for me

My life would change you’ll see

 

Give me your usual smile just once more my dear

My eyes would blink with joy

My lips would talk like a toy

Life would be full of laughter

Nothing to worry thereafter

 

All heaven would sing merrily

My image would change surely

The sun would kiss my forehead

To bless me to let me look ahead

I would be sailing to the safer shore

There would be storms no more

All my prayers would be answered

All my questions would be answered

 

Give me your usual smile just once more my dear

I’m moving like a lonely traveller

All is dark and I have no calendar

Fear of future bothers me everyday

I am afraid to forget my road way

My attire and my mind unsettled

Fear of failure keeps me all rattled

Hiding behind a façade of doubts

I have lost my will for any bouts

My past is haunting me heavily

My future is uncertain really

All my wishes have gone wishy

All my thoughts are now bushy

 

Give me your usual smile just once more my dear

My life is full of stress and strain

It is turning and twisting in vain

I’m counting the falling stars at night

There is no hope near or any in sight

Fear dwells in my heart of rare pain

It gets worse when it begins to rain

The darker nights give me no hope

I find it harder and harder to cope

There is a strong burn in the heart

It inflicts fire and lets flame to start

These hurt my inside and outside

But I’m unable to leave them aside

 

Give me your usual smile just once more my dear

You are the bright light of my life

You have been my beloved wife

Let me repeat it once more my dear

You are the music of my life my dear

Let me ask you a simple question

Give me an answer to my question

How do I live my life without you?

What do I do with my life without you?

Why don’t you share your mystic smile?

Let me live well and walk another mile.

Just teach me not to worry and smile

I’ll love you more and keep your smile

Give me your usual smile just once more my dear. 

 

~§~

 

             You Will Flourish

 

Millions of moths get burnt in search of secrets

Lamps are to give light not to burn the crickets

I am ready to reveal all my feeling and emotion

I loved her dearly always with my great passion

She’s gone but not forgotten I miss her very much

Those who go away don’t return I know life is such

Those who cry should assess their pain properly

Let not the tears fall but contain them carefully

Let me spill out all my pains and sorrows today

They keep on coming as punishment everyday

I had a feeling she would return home one day

I have changed my mind to stay with her today

Light as many lamps and fly over them to vanish

Let the love last forever and then you will flourish.

 

Memorable Life

 

The pain is unbearable to reveal all my feelings for my love

Many painful moments have gone but I’m alone in my cove

I was told that only lovers live in this world of love and joy

But my eager eyes are still waiting for the return of my joy

Tears drop and heart breaks, people have given me names

I am all broken and all the pieces have now burnt in flames

I have blamed myself for my follies but what else can I do?

I am looking for that moment when I would be ready to go

The one who lived and loved and made my life so adorable

The pretty lotus is no more but I know her life is memorable

 

~§~

 

Every new day now is another chance for me to change my life but it is always much easier said than done. Although I am an opportunist, I find it very hard to come to terms with my tragic loss. It may sound selfish but that is the truthful life after my beloved wife Saroj passed away to settle in the realm of heaven leaving me to burn in hell here.

 

LIFE AFTER MY SAROJ

 

                                                      My Understanding of Life

Having done some justice to my inner feelings about the reincarnation of my devoted and beloved wife Saroj, I am tempted to give a few reasonable explanations as my afterword to clarify my thoughts in this imaginary but believable and plausible presentation.

The complete understanding of human life is not as straightforward as it sounds and looks. Our birth, life, death and rebirth have many explanations in our scriptures and our myths and legends but the best narrative springs from the hearts and minds of those people who have suffered the passing away of their loved ones.

However, for many people we are born, we live and then we die and are lost in the atmosphere somewhere never to return. For those people eternity could be the end because that is the Supreme Court where no appeals are allowed.

I am an affected person who has lost his long life partner so I have a different belief. For me a person is born and spends this life with the loved ones and when the time comes that person dies. That person must have performed many meritorious or other kinds of deeds and actions, which we call karma. These deeds or actions, whether good, bad or ugly, dictate our rebirth right here on this earth.

I believe that it is possible for the soul and body to separate and then transmigrate or reincarnate. I am not alone in this idea because these logical ideas are mentioned in the scriptures of many other cultures of the world.

Lord Krishna, the god-incarnate, in Bhagavat Geeta (2.12-27) declared that one should not be sad over the necessity of being born again because it is the inviolable law. Just as the death is certain for all that is born, so birth is certain for all that dies.

This phenomenon of the passage from one body to another is a belief that can be sustained and accepted as our knowledge of the scriptures increases and the belief in our prayers strengthens and deepens. Even if such a belief is in our stark imagination only, it gives us a lot of room to heal our sorrows, pains and the loss of our loved ones. Thus I found a valid reason to reduce my sufferings by making my beloved wife return to once again enjoy a few imaginary and compassionate moments with me.

I firmly believe that I am composed of two fundamental principles and natural elements opposed to each other. One is the spiritual soul called the Atma and the other is the material element that is my body Shareer. The soul is eternal, immutable, not born, not created and so cannot be destroyed by any means. However, the body is temporal, created, and mutable and so is definitely destructible. Therefore, that soul is able to transcend into another body after the body functions end. The soul has to change its attire or abode.

This transmigration of our soul is known as reincarnation and it happens definitely depending upon our actions and inactions in our life. All our actions Karma could have been good, bad, ugly, meritorious, non-meritorious, religious or worldly and so every action of ours inevitably produces its own results in the form of reward or punishment.

That reward for me is the reincarnation and salvation but the punishment is the end of transmigration of the soul and torturous life in hell wherever and whatever it is.

The effect of all the good actions, which a person does, cannot be experienced or lived during one single existence, hence the need for rebirth.  Life for me therefore cannot be determined or limited by nature to one birth and one death alone but instead is a samsara which is a series of migration or a passage through a series of states or conditions depending on our actions or karma.

 My beloved wife, Saroj had too many meritorious actions in life and therefore I felt deep into my heart and mind that she needed to come back and be with me again rather than be alone somewhere else. This was my prayer for over a year and I was successful in getting her back spiritually.

My Pretty Lotus, my Saroj, my beloved wife certainly deserved this great reward of transmigration and reincarnation. Hence, my creation of this presentation to let the world know that true love and deep devotion have the power to persuade the alteration of natural law and acceptable practices of nature.

In fact, my making her resurrect in whatever form I felt comfortable with made me heal well, better understand and accommodatingly tolerate the loss, sorrow, pain and confusion of her passing away. I have lost my will to live after losing the most valuable treasure of my family life, my Saroj but she wanted me to keep that smile on my face, come what may after her passing away.

On the day, she had a premonition that her life was going to end soon she began to tell and advise me of many actions and activities that I could do for my future. One of the vital things that she said she wanted for me was to ensure that I continued to be the same Lakhan for her that she detected some fifty fife years ago. When I asked her to tell me how that was possible without my Pretty Lotus.

She assured me that although physically she would be detached but our passion, love and deep feeling and understanding for each other would keep us together spiritually and we would never part. She convinced me that we would be soul mates forever. It was this assurance that led me to resurrect her and let her dwell in my heart and around me forever. I would collect many more chances and opportunities to be with her for the rest of my life.

In the end I am convinced that we are bestowed this human life as a reward and have every right to enjoy it to the fullest with the richest blessings of the God Almighty. My rich family life that my beloved wife Saroj gave and planned for me was full of joy all because of five aspects of our life.

Our prayers.

Our firm beliefs.

Our unconditional love.

Our services to humanity.

Our dedication to our family. 

This was the strong ladder that we used to confidently make the hard journey into a worthwhile destination. For all these I am deeply and sincerely thankful to my Pretty Lotus, my wife, my life, my Saroj.

 

~§~

 

EPILOGUE

 

 

Lakhan stood misty and faded, vibrant brown eyes twinkling with his smile as he kissed the photo of his beloved wife on the wall of the kitchen. It seemed as if the image of the photo looked up with an expression of quiet knowing on her face.  Lakhan offered her a soothing smile and brushed the grey hair from her smiling face with a somewhat trembling hand.

“You know darling, we cannot meet anymore,” came the sigh from Lakhan.

Saroj nodded. “I know, darling. I am going back to be whence I came from. Like God said He would do.”

“That‘s right, sweet darling, but I want you to be my Angel forever,” urged Lakhan.

Saroj nodded again. Then she gave his hand a tight squeeze. “I will always be with you in spirit and keep guiding you until you are ready to join me.”

She lowered herself onto her favourite chair again, enveloping Lakhan’s cold hand in both of hers. “As long as you live darling you‘ll remember me. My face might not be bright in your mind, and my voice might not be clear in your ear, but you will remember me. Like a whisper. Or a bit of a favourite ghazal.” She leaned down to once more kiss her Lakhan’s warm lips.

Lakhan wrapped his arms tight around her beloved wife, tears escaping. “I love you, Darling, I always will.”

Saroj returned the embrace. “I know you do, my love. I love you, too.”

Lakhan sniffed as she pulled back, tear-filled brown eyes meeting her dear wife‘s. Saroj offered her husband another smile before standing from the chair and getting ready for exiting the Saroj Niwas for good, walking the passage way she remembered from another life.

Then, quiet and serene in expression, she paused outside her one-time escape, the bedroom of flowers, scents, and blooms that held so many pleasant memories. Softly smiling, she rested her hand against the warmth of the bed that she fell in her husband’s arms, “May the Lord‘s blessings always be warm within your heart. May love never be far from this Saroj Niwas. And may warmth and laughter always surround you.” Then she lowered her arm to her side, pausing a moment more before turning to move away, fading to her new home within memories.

Lakhan’s searching finally ended and he reluctantly let her go the second time. This time it was forever but the fond memories of his love life would keep him alive somehow. Of course, upon that anticipated reunion of the two loving souls of Lakhan and Saroj life would become everlasting for the couple that were born for each other and never meant to separate.

What a dream, a fantastic imagination. She will cry like a bride. (See Reference 8)

                         

REFERENCES

 

1.       Tumhi Mere Mandir

Tumhi mere mandir, tumhi meri puja, tumhi dewata ho

Koyi meri aankhon se dekhe toh samjhe ke tum mere kya ho

 Jidhar dekhati hu, udhar tumhi tum ho

 Na jaane magar kin khayalo mein gum ho

 Mujhe dekhkar tum jara muskura do

 Nahin toh main samjhungi mujhase khafa ho

 Tumhi mere mandir, tumhi meri puja, tumhi dewata ho

 Tumhi mere maathe ki bindiya ki jhilmil

 Tumhi mere haatho ke gajaro ki manjil

 Main hu ek chhotisi maati ki gudiya

 Tumhi praan mere, tumhi aatma ho

 Tumhi mere mandir, tumhi meri puja, tumhi dewata ho

 Bahot raat biti, chalo main sula du

 Pawan chhede sargam main lori suna du

 Bahot raat biti, chalo main sula du

 Pawan chhede sargam main lori suna du

 Tumhe dekhkar ye khayaal aa raha hain

 Ke jaise farishta koyi so raha ho

 Tumhi mere mandir, tumhi meri puja, tumhi dewata ho

 

 

2.       Roothey Ho Tum Tumko Kaise Manaawoon Piya

Roothay ho tum, tumko kaise manawoon piya..bolo na . bolo na
Khushboo ban ke aoooon... sansoon main bass  jaoooon.. kaise tumko manawoon... 
Roothay ho tum, tumko kaise manawoon piya...bolo na .. bolo na
Tum binn piya jiya mora naahi laagay.. tarpay hai tarsay hai sari raat jagay..
manogey kaise piya yeh bata do. jal jal ke marr jaoon aise na saza do..
ansoon hain ankhoon main..  halchal hai sansoon main..  tumhee ko chahooon mein...
Roothay ho tum, tumko kaise manawoon piya... bolo na .. bolo na
Dekho piya aise to na tarpao..jis dil main rehte ho ussko na dukhao....
kya main karoon piya mujeh yeh bata do.. tumkko mere sarr ki kasam ab to muskura do
warna main ro doongi.. phir na kabhi boloongi.. apni jaaan dedoongi..
Roothay ho tum, tumko kaise manaoon piya...
bolo na .. bolo na
khushboo ban ke aoon... sansoon main bass jaoon..
kaise tumko manawoon
Tum jo kaho tumko marr ke manawoon piya.. 
bolo na .. bolo na

 

3.        My Prayers for Future Happy Life 1

 

Let me to sail safely through this difficult world with ease, my Lord

Your blessing has been great so far; let it continue forever, my Lord

I am weak, poor and suffering but still clinging hard to your fame

My hope for a better life is always alive when I recite your name

The garden you have created, decorate it with pretty roses, my Lord

The life you have given let it forever flourish without losses, my Lord

Thou art an epitome of peace, a deep river of knowledge for me

Thou art the deepest ocean of wisdom reserve some of it for me

Let my faith and love in your Supreme Power strengthen every day

Let me lie at Thy humble feet to grant me right direction all the way

My life is insecure in the vast universe where all hope seem fading

Grant me truth, beauty and goodness and make it remain lasting

Purify my heart, mind and soul and lead me to full contentment

Make me your loving disciple and grant me the right judgement

Let me to sail safely through this difficult world with ease, my Lord

Your blessing has been great so far; let it continue forever, my Lord

 

Prayer 2  Grant Me Confidence

Grant me all that confidence I need O Lord

So my beliefs in you do not weaken O Lord

Let my mind be full of truth and goodness

Free me from all my sins and trespasses

Let me follow all good and enchanting paths

Let me follow all the beautiful clear paths 

Lead me from darkness to light, O Lord

Lead me from evil to things right, O Lord

Save me from sins and bad sight, O Lord

Make my life and living bright, O Lord

Let there be no discord with anyone in my life

Lead me live a peaceful and harmonious life

Make me contended and ever forgiving

Lead me away from greed and cheating

Let me spread the goodwill and peace

Let entire humanity flourish in peace

Bless us with your love and kind thoughts

Purify our hearts, minds and our thoughts.

Lead me to a place where the mind is without fear

Lead me to a place where I can hold my head high
Let me to a place where knowledge is free and dear
Let me find a united world where fragments are nay

Make the whole universe a peaceful abode for all

Where there is no hatred and no domestic wall

Where words come out from the depth of heart

Place truth, beauty and goodness in every heart
Lead us to strive and stretch towards perfection

Keep your arms of blessing as your protection

Make my life a stream of reason with clear way

Lead me into the ocean of joy to sail and sway

Take me where the mind is led forward by thee

Take me where the heart is calm and full of glee

Let me awake, arise and do the right action

Let me serve my friends, family and nation

That is the heaven of freedom I wish to live

O Lord,  give me that life that is easy to live.

Reference 4:  The Original Wedding Vows

  1. Let us take the first vow to provide for our household a nourishing and pure diet, avoiding those foods injurious to healthy living. We were able to do this for almost fifty years.
  2. Let us take the second vow to develop physical, mental, and spiritual powers. This we did well.
  3. Let us take the third vow to increase our wealth by righteous means and proper use. We performed this task reasonably well.
  4. Let us take the fourth vow to acquire knowledge, happiness, and harmony by mutual love and trust. We were extremely successful in performing this responsibility.
  5. Let us take the fifth vow so that we are blessed with strong, virtuous, and heroic children. This task was well done as well.
  6. Let us take the sixth vow for self-restraint and longevity. I do not think 73 years of life can be described as longevity. We failed.
  7. Finally, let us take the seventh vow and be true companions and remain lifelong partners by this wedlock. We were successful in doing this except for the notion of remaining lifetime partners.

            

Reference 5 : Life of Lakhan and Saroj is Different

January nineteenth 2014 brought me many fond memories of the past

Fifty years ago, Saroj and I wedded this day with a big bang and blast

Today is that time again to rewind and ponder about the glorious past
This has brought me to think of the day I vowed and said "I do” at last

My  fifty golden years is a time I have well cherished with a lot of joy

We kept your relationship alive without a blemish like a special toy

All the rewarding years that we spent together side by side happily
Makes this special Golden Day rejuvenate and come alive joyfully

Each year had given us multiple fond memories to share and care

We loved our dreams that we made come true with a lot to spare
All these have given our relationship the greatest strength to share
This day would have been super happy if she did not go else where 

Just before we could reach this milestone in our life, she departed

I was all distraught, sorrowful and lonely and left broken-hearted
Sharing fifty years of memories was worth an immense treasure
We had planned a celebration but my sorrow ended all pleasure

All the tears this lonely life has now brought in the way for me

All the joy that wouldn’t have known any bound has jolted me


Now I have no choice but to reflect on each year one by one
To further strengthen our bond despite the fact that she is gone

As each day is now passing slowly but steadily I think of the past
All the treasured gifts that she had given me are here till the last
My future ride of life is all confusing because my guide is no more
I feel lost and disoriented in the rough sea with no sight of shore

Our partnership that had crossed fifty milestones is rare to find

Our love and living was full of fun we knew it was one of its kind
Our love life teaches others to value all relationships with pride

Family life is an open book and there should be nothing to hide

My Pretty Lotus and I gave each other a strong feeling of love

We enjoyed our life so much that we acted like our garden dove


No storm, no current or rough weather could weaken our move
No ravages of time to tarnish our love we had nothing to prove

So even after the fifty years we behaved like each other's dove
Our relationship will never feel out-dated or old we are in love
Since our love was always blessed with a touch of Almighty God

Our affection for one another gave us happy time with the Lord

Friends say that fifty years of togetherness earned us the fame
Of being the Golden couple for sticking together by the game
For half a century is a very long time walking along side by side
I feel that has made our journey of life such an interesting ride

This wonderful journey began in a village over half a century ago
Where two souls were blessed into one body without much ado


If we celebrated those golden years to raise our glass to toast

We would have had many friends to say cheers along the coast

But this is not any special day when we haven’t got each other
I have lost my life partner she cannot be replaced by any other

No life’s everlasting, dark clouds are bound to come and gather

Life of Lakhan and Saroj is different it will go further and further.

 

Created on 19th January, 2014 at Denarau Beach Fiji 

 

Reference 6: Respect for My Beloved Wife.

हमारा सर बड़े से बड़ों के सामने कभी झुके नही थे. हम ने किसी के सामने अपना सर नहीं झुकाया था पर मेरा यह सर सदा अपने बीबी के सामने झुकता रहा क्योंकि उन के धर्म और करम मे केवल सुंदरता, अच्छाई और सच्चाई भरी रहती थी. अपना सर उनके सामने झुक]ने मे जो आनंद मिलता था उस आनंद और संतोष को किसी के सामने बखान नही किया जा सकता है. उन के आचरण ही इतने परिपूर्ण थे की उनको किसी के समच्छ कहना कठिन ही नही पर नामुमकिन है.

Dil ke saath saath hamko dimag ka bhi istemal karna padta hai. Bahar jo bhi kuchh hota rahta hai, chahe khushi ho ya dard ho, usko ham sahaj mein dekh sakte hain par jo hamare mann ke andar hota rahta hai usko dekhne ke liye aur bahar laane ke liye dil dimag aur na jaane kitne gunno ki aawashyakta padti hai.

Pahla toh mann ke andar wale dukh dard ko bahar lana bahut mushkil hota hai aur dosara jab wo sab dukh dard aansoo ban kar aankhon sey bahne lagte hain tab gayron ho inn ka ehsaas hota hai. Par tab bahut der ho chuki hoti hai. Mere jayse Dukhi  vyakti ka sab kuchh ujjad jata hai aur wah apne tanhaayiyon mein khota chala jata hai. Koi chah kar bhi uska sahara nahi ban sakta hai.

Mere sajni ke bichhoh ka dukh dard ke liye koi aur mere tarah matam toh nahi mana sakta hai aure na hi mere tarah aansoo hi baha sakta hai par agar koshish karey to mere dard ko pahechaan to saktey hain. Lekin aysa log kyun karenge?

                    She will cry like a bride.

Wo Royengi Dulhan Ki Tarah

Wo gulaabon sey lipti hain shabnam ki tarah

Unki adaayen hain badalte mausam ki tarah

Shisha sa badan hai rahti hai ajnabi ki tarah

Ek aurat hai jisko ham chahtey gazal ki tarah

Yeh jindgi ab ruk si gai ek purane ghadi ki tarah

Meri pritam mujhe milti hai khwabon ki tarah

Wo khafa ho ke baithi hain ek dushman ki tarah

Jinko ab main chahta hoon apne jindgi ki tarah

Wo mere dil mein chha gayi hain badal ki tarah

Mere ankhon mein bikhar gayi hai kajal ki tarah

Mere pyar ki imtihan leti hai ek teacher ki tarah

Main samjha raha hoon unko ek diwane ki tarah 

Log kahte hain pyar jise lagta hai kaanto ki tarah

Hamne toh unse mohabbat kiya ibaadat ki tarah

Wo na samjhe par ham pyar karenge majnu ki tarah

Jisdin unko samajh ayega wo royengi dulhan ki tarah.

 

                                                    Saroj’s Favourite Prayer.

 

Gita Ganga cha Gayatri

Sita Satya Saraswati

Brahmvidya Brahmawalli

Trisandhya Mukti gehini
Ardhramatra Chidananda

Bhavdhni Bhay nashini
Vedtrayi  Para Ananta

Tatvarth gyan manjiri